Alexandra Alexis

If you see it,it will happen..

2010-02-26T18:52:00.000-08:00

I've been one to invision..I see things in my mind...as in me sitting on the couch of a famous tv show in Finland...meanwhile talking to myself in the mirror answering faux questions..and a few months later I'm watching the show on TV and there I am...Right now its the magazine article of me in one of Finland's top fashion mags TRENDI...I few weeks ago that was an email I received for an interview request...what you don't know is months before that,it was a word on one of my many famous vision boards and lists..of things I wanted to do or accomplish...

Deepak Chopra has a great phrase, he says "do less and accomplish more"...its a way of thinking that he teaches...which is BE...dont say when or if or hopefully...BE IT....SAY IT and KNOW IT...
Choose to be successful....

Its kinda scary when that power starts to show itself,so scary in fact that I go through waves of "am I good enough?" "skinny enough" will I make everyone proud of me...
It makes me So So happy to read all those emails you guys send me about..."you inspire me" and I think....(sometimes)...really?
I mean i'm Happy that I DO....But I guess I'm still just trying to inspire myself...
I literally sit in my humble surroundings and am reading the article...and thinking wow..If ONLY it sounded as easy I make it...

At the same time,I KNOW my power..and am happy that once upon a time a friend sat me down,and TOLD me what "the secret" was all about..I swear to you a year later...I KNEW it...FELT it..and knew no matter what I did.....I would succeed...

This isnt meant to, in ANY way,to come off as arrogant or stupid..but the truth is,once you know your OWN truth...you will complete your task of being who you are supposed to be...
I saw some visions or daydreams,whatever you want to call it...of shows...BIG shows...Of me hanging out before sound check in these massive huge halls that lead to the stages of these crazy arenas..I saw the look on my publicists face,when she saw how far we'd come,I saw the lighting guy way in the back,asking what I thought...and finally I saw the loud screams the cheers,the chants,the signs,the lights and me, hearing my voice echo in the whole arena,wondering wow....I DID it...
I saw that...I know it...wait for it...because its coming...

I want you to KNOW it...because great things can be accomplished...

Be bold and the mighty forces will come to your aid....

XoXo
Alexandra

Nice walls and good floors..someday...

2010-02-04T16:05:00.000-08:00

I just came home from a family friends dinner party,their pristine home,decorated to perfection,their wonderful aura in their home,their....stability...I noticed things like candles,decorative pillows...homey features that make you feel comfortable and settled...and for a second I envied them for having such a beautiful roof over their beautiful heads...

What might that feel like,I wondered...stability...knowing that each month you could choose to pay your bills on time,always have candles to light..and always feeling fully comfortable and settled with your perfectly wonderful family...

A long time ago I traded comfort and stability for adventure and fulfillment...I knew that If I didnt try to succeed in my life long dreams,I would end up unhappy and truly unstable...So I left all that was "comfortable" behind..started a new life,well you know the story...moved to NYC to follow my dreams of becoming a hugely successful singer...

It has NOT been easy,comfortable or stable..In turn it has taught me more than I have EVER known,it has made me GROW,it has helped me realize my dreams and my potential to find and have career and life fulfillment and to wake up everyday thinking "wow im happy"..

I dream of someday having an apartment where the paint doesn't peel and the floors aren't a hundred years old..but at the same time,my soho nook has kept me warm and safe and helped me do what I love, in the city I LOVE...

Im sure Everyone has parts of their lives that they would rather trade in for my parts..Im sure no one can honestly say that "I have everything I want" when what you actually need is a roof and I guess some food LoL...

I'm secretly terrified of ending my promotional circuit in finland,where I now write this blog and soon return to the craziness and challenges of Nyc...But I KNOW that as soon as I land and get settled,things will leave off where I left them,I WILL survive and will continue on my so-far successful path...

Today a girl on a tram,stopped me,asked for my picture and said "I wish I had your life"...

I guess this thought kind of stuck with me allday...and I have come to find,that I'm happy that I have my life too..

I've worked hard to be the person that I am today..and if nothing else I can always hit up home depot and do home repairs myself...right ;)

Follow YOUR path with courage...

XoXO

night night

Alexandra

Good friends are all you need!

2009-12-03T20:15:00.000-08:00

What are the things that actually matter in life...
Money,fame,success? Well not if you don't have good supportive people around you..

Living in New York has exposed me to good and bad and very ugly people.People will and can use you,abuse you and leave you behind to die..am I being dramatic...NO..not this time..

It only makes it tougher that I am in an industry that demands and requires things like appearance to come first before personality..
So that means your meeting lots of beautiful people that are hopefully beautiful inside aswell..

I have been burnt and hurt,and have learned valuable lessons..
I have finally let go of the people that have tried to "use me" for personal gain,social climbing or otherwise some other self centered motives..

And I've welcomed in some new amazing people,that support me,back me up and walk with me against the rain..
These people I have noticed don't have EGO's..they are there for "the team"..yes my team..but they have the knowledge that "I make it" then "they make it" ..
I am NOT the type of person to turn my back on the people that have helped me get where I am today,and I don't throw people under the bus..

This being said it saddens me to read about mean things said about me,chatrooms with "I hate alexandra alexis" as the title and even as far as to truly "use me" by hitting me where it hurts and trying to take me down..
With all this being said when I hurt,my team aka my friends hurt,they are the FIRST people to tell me they love me,back me up and can and WILL fix whatever is wrong..
And hearing that takes my breathe away..
In a recent interview I did..after talking about my team of 10,who have undying faith in me..the interviewer asked me "do you think your lucky" and I said yes,I'm very lucky,I work hard but I know I'm lucky..
"Why do you think they support you as much as they do"
And I always have trouble answering this..
"U know I don't know,maybe they see something special in me,maybe they feel something and maybe I make them feel like I can bring something incredible into their lives"-thats what I answered..
And I try my hardest to make them keep feeling that way..

So I also think about the people that say these mean,harsh things about me,and I think wow...U must be very lonely,very sad and very afraid..
Its easy to say mean things about people that your jealous of,or of people that make you feel insecure..
Oprah once said "if your worried about your competition,then your never going to get anywhere"..
And guess what,its true..I always knew my strenths and used the tools that I had..I was never the best,I'm still not the best but I keep trying to learn and grow and become someone amazing..
And if it wasn't for my amazing friends,my team..the people that call me and email me first thing in the morning and are the last to leave my apartment late at night,to comfort my soul,wipe away my tears,to tell me the cold hard facts,and that they'll stand by me no matter what,to look me in the eye,to make me laugh and to help me make my wildest dreams come true without breaking a sweat..
I love you so much..SO much..
Thank you for standing by me!

And for everyone else..don't ever stand for bullshit,do not accept it,you deserve a force behind you no matter who you are or what you do,you deserve the best friends you can get!

So find those people,because you can't make it to the top without a strong team behind you,and once you DO make it.."Its lonely at the top" so wouldn't it be nice to share your precious time with the people that were there for you all along!

Xoxo
Alexandra

where they know your name...

2009-11-27T14:34:00.000-08:00

Dreams...

2009-11-11T20:22:00.000-08:00

I used to write all my dreams in this dream book and this girl from my school would decode all of them for me and fill the book up with answers to what all of my dreams meant..
Almost all of them included my obsession with fame,music,becoming a star..
I just knew from a young age,I wanted to feel it already then..
When I was even younger,like 10,I used to pretend that there were cameras following me,to the extent that when I'd go for bathroom breaks in the middle of class,I'd walk down the heavy grand staircases at school posing with each step and giving a faux tour of the school to my "dear fans"..
So why did I do all that I wonder,why did I do all these things way before I was even sure of what I wanted to BE..
I felt it..
It was always the only option..
Before I started school,I'd be very bored and lonley so I'd practise posing in the mirror in hot little dress,and yes I had hot little dresses at 5 yrs old..lol
I'd do this allday and put together a show so that by the time my parents came home from work I'd be ready with a full show,including my moms madonna gold cone bra :)
So all this brings me to the point of: are we all already going somewhere,dare I call it destiny?
Are we programed,destined and ready before we know it to go take on the world for sole purpose of living our dreams?
I'd like to think so!
Maybe I do live in La La land,but I like it here and I feel like I am right where I should be..
I watch what I do in awe,in shock sometimes that I made it as far as I did,then I think back to that little quirky girl in the mirror who said "thank you madison sqaure garden" that girl who knew and truly believed..
I'm still her and she is still me..
And I couldn't be happier so as Robyn says "Dream On"...

Do your job..

2009-11-06T22:06:00.000-08:00

I always tell people,that this was not cast upon you,YOU chose this path,you made the choices that led up to this situation..

I'm listening to my own advice,and I'm learning more everyday..
Jose my hairstylist told me that you need to understand what your job means to other people, for you to understand how much all your decisions not only impact you,but everybody around you..
Rihanna said to Diane Sawyer tonight that she didn't understand this concept..until now..

Its hard to sometimes understand that you have to be strong,responsible,able and ready for all the people that are counting on you..
The easy choice is to be selfish..
So I try to soul search and dig deep and understand why jose does my hair or why sponsors dress me or why people write me emails or fanmail telling me that I inspire them..it warms my heart..
I know why,they believe in me..and so for me to want to do what only makes me happy is stupid..
I've been hurt in the past,I've been screwed,and used and I've learned..
I refuse to inflict pain onto others,I don't want to be that person,I want to make you all proud of me..

I'm telling you this because we all have moments of weakness where we see only one thing,the thing that WE want the most,and it makes us do stupid,selfish things..
I'm telling YOU this because no matter what your job is,YOU impact others,and you will have to live with that,always do your job with pride and with your fullest ambition,and if you hate your job..QUIT..do something that fullfills you,it is the only way you will ever be happy..

I've had tons of eye-opening experiences and more are underway,
I guess I'm just happy that no matter what,I have 5 people that I can call in the midst of career and even personal struggles who will help me pick up the pieces..

I am here to do my job,and bring you all beautiful music,inspiring songs or maybe even something that will make you jog that one mile longer"break u" or a song that will inspire you to follow your dreams "famous" or even something that will make you realize you need to dump that loser "walk away"...

So thank you all for doing your jobs,my team,porto rico for serving me my daily coffee or even new yorks cabbies who get me from a to b..THANK U..you are appreciated!

So follow your dreams,LIVE life to the very fullest but do it responsibly,consider those around you,and know that every choice you make has a result or a consequence..

Xoxooxxxoxoxo
Alexandra

Scared of Lonely...

2009-11-02T08:09:00.000-08:00

I thought twice before writing this..but I dont have much to hide..:)

And I know there are those of you out there who read each month and like to hear about the moments and lessons..

I had a HUGE realization! THIS IS IT!

Popstars get lonely sometimes too I think..But the truth is that this job comes with huge sacrifice and huge reward..The Highs are HIGH and the lows are dark and lonely..

This isn't meant to come off as weak or whiny..more like..this is what my life is like...

I had a sort of incident with someone I liked,not sure if it was really me actually liking him OR if it was like,he happened to BE there and happened to be such a great friend.. the point is,he is a good enough friend,to not only NOT be put off by my crazy behaviour but to totally let it go and tell me HOW THINGS ARE...

I then realized what a good friend is,a good friend is someone who supports you,someone who truly HAS your back,and cares enough about you,to put your happiness first before making a choice that could hurt you,or possibly hurt the friendship...and that is incredible..

He told me the cold hard facts that I NEEDED to hear,which was its ALL about me..no one else to fuck it up,screw it up,or nothing than can bring me or drag me down...In my mind,at the moment I thought..This is SO unfair and then I thought...is it?

No! I have everything I want,except someone to possibly hold my hand when im scared..

But thats okay..I have something...something special

I get to wake up every morning with the SURE KNOWING that I am not only on the right track but that I am in a state of EMOTIONAL FULLFILLMENT...

I wake up everyday with a smile and a truly grateful feeling of being lucky enough to be doing what I love!

And that is a gift...

After speaking to a few spiritual guru's: an Ex-boyfriend,a good friend abroad,and my spiritual mentor..

I received the following thoughts on this:

The Ex said"next time you meet a guy,lie your ass off that your career is not as important as you make it to be,no guy wants to be 2nd best"soo typical...LOL

Hmm...um okay...NAh NEXT

He also said.."It is tough little one"..meaning its what I chose...

We stopped hanging out,when I chose to move to NYC from Finland for my career..

There are no hard feelings

My other friend said "You moved to New York to become a pop star,and now you are,so get to work"

OK GOT IT!

And my guru said the most powerful line ever..after I told her about my girlie emotional guilt and disgusting "needy" emotional state...she said "keep working hard,and the person that can be with you,that can HANDLE you,will SHOW up"

I like this line the BEST..

I am thrilled and excited for my future and everything that awaits,there is SO much going on right now and with every step I take I am getting closer to my biggest dreams!

I still sometimes secretly wish that when I open my door and say "Honey Im Home" someone would answer back..

He'll show up..and in the meantime GET BACK TO WORK!

New York,where dreams are made...

2009-10-25T10:01:00.000-07:00

So I just flew back from Finland from probably my biggest promotional circuit up to date,I had the biggest blast ever! I ha vent written in my blog for a while but I'll try to sum it all up...

I went back to Finland for 2 weeks to promote my single "Break U" and my coming album "May Cause Shortness Of Breath"..

Who knew that little girls out there were my fans,a visit to a family friends suburban neighborhood proved extremely insightful,her daughter had told her friends at school that I was going to be visiting their home,and so there she and her friends were lined waiting for autographs and gave me their pictures and fan mail that they had made for me...I've never ever received fan mail,this was my first..looking at it makes me smile,I'm going to put it on my fridge :)

They told me that I inspired them and that they wanted to be just like me when they grow up...hearing that is beyond powerful and is just one of the things that is keeping my mind stable as returning to new york to work hard as ever can be somewhat daunting at times..

I did a huge chunk of interviews while I was out there,the main focus however was Finland's biggest best est talk show called MARIA!..where I performed and was interviewed(footage coming to YouTube soon)

The host Maria told me in our brief before we went live.."I'm not here to make you look bad,so just be yourself because I think your fucking awesome" known for being a tough cookie host,smart,sharp and witty..she did nothing but praise my efforts of trying to be the first International Finnish pop star out of Finland...

I somewhat took on the role of "paving the way" while I was out there and countless interviews kept mentioning how I was "the first" and "the brightest new star to represent Finland on the global market"...I am shocked...ME?

I mean happy,thrilled and shocked at the power of my own success which I have worked SO hard for...

After an eventful 2 weeks I'm back in new York...and honestly a little freaked...in the plane I statrted thinking how much pressure there is to live up to my title...I whipped out the latest City magazine that featured my interview which was basically a "how-to" make it New York...So I carefully read everything that i had so fearlessly declared...and reminded myself why I know I can DO THIS...

I KNOW I CAN...but sometimes its hard...in Finland I arrive..I'm already accomplished then an 8 hour plane ride later...I'm lugging my luggage into a subway..YES a subway from the airport to get home...

This morning I wake up and look out into soho through my bedroom window and everything is just as it should be...I go downstairs to my local hangout Miladys...have breakkie and chat with the soho:ers and find myself laughing,smiling and eating..its free..its fun...

and its even OK that my Internet is down at home...I'm at Apple soho finishing up this blog post...my office for the week,I'm sure...

What makes me happy is that I may not have everything I want right this sec..but I appreciate everything I already have...and you gotta make the best of things...and keep working hard...

Soo I need to start planning my week!

Keep plugging away because HARD WORK pays off!

ps-in talks with MTV Finland about a reality show about yours truly ;)

One minute your up,the next your down...

2009-09-08T13:37:00.000-07:00

The entertainment industry is a fickle business,things can change overnight and it is not for the light hearted..You must always be on point,ready for interviews at any given time with the right answers on hand,be the picture perfect version of what the ultimate meaning beauty is at this current time,the sample size of a 0 or under,whipped up in shape,ready for a performance at any given time...the list goes on..

And as I battle my life..my career and sometimes struggle to stay afloat,just like we all do..

I have to mentally prepare myself for all that is up ahead without losing control...

Things have been really good,Paper magazine called me a micro pop-star,Time Out New York made me out to be an adorable stylish artist on their online post,and the interviews coming up are bigger and better than before..I got booked to interview and perform on Finland's largest talk-show Maria! Oct 7th...For me,it will be THE ultimate show to be featured on and so the pressure is ON..as the days approach me,I find myself taking long runs along the West Side Highway,in the dance studio rehearsing with my choreographer and watching what I eat..or dont eat,should I say?..

Anyway I love this time,because this is THE time,the time when I get to shine as an artist and prove my worth to everybody..with every event,it is a chance to create an image and aura around myself and show people what I'm made of...

Ive been listening to lots of music,as I am trying to complete my album "May Cause Shortness Of Breathe" and remembering what it felt like when I only had gotten started...it almost makes me breathe a little easier..remembering how far you've come,makes it okay that I still haven't received my invite for Fashion Week from my main sponsor,and that the shipment I need to make for my Cds has not been placed yet..Oh and that my website is still not running perfectly...

Im NYC,Im going to make Fashion week a smart and enjoyable experience and put my best foot forward,Im going to prepare for shows,maintain and keep pushing strong without giving myself a heart attack..Im going to Finland,Dubai and Thailand in Oct to promote,gig and shoot videos and Im more than thrilled...

The more stress you create,the worse it is...so i'm not going to stress,im going to enjoy...

Im going to do what I do...which is BE an artist..show up looking fab,ready to perform with a smile on my face..and if I miss THE best show during fashion week,i'll know that someday I WILL be there...front row..

You tend to forget all that you already have,as I look around in my apartment at the racks of clothing I get from sponsors...I should be perfectly settled...and I almost am...

xoxo

Alexandra

Life is Perfect...

2009-07-06T19:33:00.000-07:00

I'm sitting on my stoop in Soho,its 10 pm,the air is warm,I'm watching people go by,couples eating ice cream,people walking their dogs,and lonely souls hitting up my neighborhood watering hole Miladys,and life is perfect..

I used to watch sex and the city and dream of one day being able to sit on my very own stoop and watch the world goes by as I maybe thought of new profound ideas..

If you read the last blog,you'll know that I was going through the realization that I must keep growing and building my empire now,and work harder than ever before..
I woke up.
I think that holidays in general mark where you are in life,you look back and think where was I this time last year,what did I do?
Hmm what I know for sure is that life has given me some wonderful blessings..and today I proved to myself,in my new awakened state that I'm BACK,I'm ready,and daring to acheive what most call the impossible..
I picked up the phone and started cold calling to get the ball rolling,and it did..in one day,I scheduled studio time to finish the album,made a new timeline for myself,started to plan my promo circuit for my new single "break u" and got my head well back in the game..
I think this 4th of july showed me that,people and certain things cannot make you happy..they can add happiness into your life,but YOU have to be happy with yourself.

You have to wake up in the morning and pinch yourself because you can't believe how lucky you are to live the life you lead..

While taking these emotional strides forward,I understand myself better and now know for sure that I'm far to busy and focused to truly be able to be in a relationship and give myself to someone in the way that's needed,however I also have learned in the past weeks that making new friends and building relationships with them is important,you can't just be a work horse and be by yourself because then when you do just have a moment to go out and have fun,you might end up in the wrong company..
I learned that I can overcome anything you throw my way..the dissapointments are minor setbacks and come with the territory of wanting what I want in my career..
I know how to deal with things,and I feel like a million bucks..no a billion..ha
I only want good things,people and places around me..
There's plenty to live(work) for,I still have a secret crush on Dj Am,I still want an album that makes people dance and smile and feel something,I still want to have fresh flowers at home every week,I still want to tour,I still want to date(eventually)I still want to travel,I still want to play(when I can) and I want to share it all with my family and friends..

But right now as I sit and watch the big,wise looking tree in front of my dear stoop, and breathe in the new york night air..I can't believe how lucky I am..I am here,I am grateful,I am happy..

Xoxo
Alexandra

The Power Of Desperation!

2009-07-05T11:02:00.000-07:00

The biggest pitfall you can have in your career is getting too comfortable and letting your guard down..I fear that after taking a few leisurely days to myself,I am falling into a habit of enjoyment..

The greatest of the greats were known for working,all the time and making things happen for themselves..Puffy has been known to say things such as.."sleeping is for losers"..

I used to NOT go to sleep until I checked and answered all my emails of the day because,then while I would be sleeping things would be in motion and take it a step further,alot of the business I conducted was in Finland so when I'd be ready for bed,people would be heading to work,so id send my emails before bed,and have results by the time I woke up...

Its easy to feel invisible but once the glitter fades,you realize all you HAVE is YOU...and if YOUR not amazing then what are you doing?Seriously...I used to pull magic tricks out of my ass..and its funny...when your quality of living goes up and things around you become more "special" and "beautiful" you start to take notice...just dont forget who you are...

The more desperate I was,the more I gained because I worked my ASS off...and now that im not as desperate Im kinda sitting back more...and I hate myself for it...

Your reading this wondering where is she getting all this from suddenly..and yes...U KNOW I work hard...I just KNOW that I can work HARDER than THIS...I know my own potential...

But back to the story...someone came into my life for a second..someone I couldn't be with before because of certain circumstances and I thought in my mind for years..If I could only be with this person,things would be amazing and insane..Well that day has come and Im not on cloud 9..Im happy just not delirious...which goes to show..you get what you want and things are just they same..they shouldn't be...they should be amazing,and ridic,and crazy and fun...just as your life should be...I could tell you stories upon stories of how I flew to Amsterdam so that i could sit next to Kanye west on the plane,or how I landed a sponsorship with Kimora Lee Simmons,or how I convinced the organizers of Brooklyn fashion week to let me open the show..

I have stories,I have creativity and ambition...my evil step mom has called me a manipulative bitch..NOT TRUE...

MY POINT is nothing has ever stopped me...and only YOU can stop yourself...

So what am I waiting for,I GOT my wake-up call....My mom recently suffered an almost heart attack...and I suddenly realized not only how much I love her...But how much my dream has been her dream through all these years and that she still must come see me play at Madison Square Garden...and Im not even kidding....

LETs DO THIS!

If I know who I am,the rest will follow..

2009-06-28T10:21:00.000-07:00

I'm lying in bed watching the hustle of soho around me feeling the breeze come through my windows gracing my skin and I realize how utterly perfect life is right now,I've come ways as I always say and I've always thought with every good and bad thing brought into my life,I've always known how to embrace it and make the best of it!
I am happy and my heart is full and I dare to dream,I spent 2 hours alone yesterday in a. Dance studio perfecting my moves,pretending I was on a gigantic stage living my dream which I was sure would keep growing and developing as I'd always dreamed!
I watched a gazillion specials and new segments on the passing of MJ and each of them stressed how he was a true shining star,and perfectionist when it came to his craft,I wanted that..and yesterday I FeLT it,with every pose,every move,came a new thought,a new idea for my show,for my image,I knew who I was and I was soo excited to share ME with YOU..
I wanted it ALL..wow even the thought takes my breathe away..
I used to tell people that what you do today,changes your tomorrow,I also always knew that part of my success came from the fact that the other artists around me got "comfortable" so instead of booking shows,I was out there booking,performing and getting my music played,hmm..
I'm thinking to myself I want to be more unstoppable than ever before,,I want it all,it is the air I breathe!

To be continued...

All I ever wanted was everything...

2009-06-24T21:10:00.000-07:00

"All I ever wanted was everything" Madonna said that and it is the truest quote that I know!
Wanting and everything and actually getting it however are too diffrent things..
Tonight I was at the Axe/rolling stone party at the Hard Rock Cafe and I stepped on the carpet after Kim Kardashian,I was releaved to see the flashing lights in my eyes as I thought they might not photograph me as much after she had just dazzled them..the moment of being on a carpet with photographers screaming your name is like a moment that is suspended in time..you are invinsible and suddenly the laws of matter and anything else do not apply to you,you are un-touchable..you are something special..
I stepped off mingled and mixed and realized how lucky I was to even be able to experience something like that..it made me dig deep into my life and realize that the kind of success and stardom I wanted was not limited to a few carpets here and there..it was up to me to BE amazing,to astonish and amaze..my hard work would pay off as long as I kept at it! I was at home reading the joe bro interview in the newest rolling stone maggy and my heart ached because I longed to go on tour and perform every night and LIVE and experience..my happiest memories are the ones from performing onstage and I couldn't wait to get back at it!
I was soo excited to work,to struggle,to be,to exisit because it was real and if anything I had learned from my stardom in finland to my budding stardom in the states..it was that working hard and not being afraid of doing whatever it takes to make it was important..I sometimes get jaded as we all do from time to time and then I quickly try and snap out of it and tell myself wait,hold your horses,you've got ways to go..but then I think..hmm how fun is that..the journey IS the best part!
So follow your dreams,work hard,it feels soo good,and watch your dreams unfold in front of you..oh and most importantly don't get a big head too soon..you'll see that people are much more happy and willing to help after a genuine chat and a smile!
Thank you SO much for your support!!
Xoxo
Alexandra

Hometown Glory

2009-06-20T12:41:00.000-07:00

I passed all the places that I used to know so well...the places that perfectly fit into my everyday life...now these places looked empty and I couldnt recognize them...as any big city...helsinki had changed...I didnt know it like I used to..its bittersweet..the only familiar signs, were the people that I knew and loved..that was bittersweet too...I saw my friends...whom I love so much it hurts..I saw my mom..who was doing better after an almost heart attack..god that makes me want to cry..and I saw a special someone..when he hugged me I didnt want him to let go..But what are you going to do..

Being there reminded me of how much everyone there is counting on me to MAKE IT..I have a sort of country supporting me as people do when a contestant from their hometown makes it in American idol...My show(life) was called "SO U THINK U CAN MAKE IT?" ...and Finland certainly did...They supported me,loved me and wanted to know what would happen next...a shift had also happened..I had a certain fanbase while I lived there which has now become younger,I realized this when I was being interviewed on this interactive show where viewers/fans can send txt msgs to the show for me to answer...They were kids and teens that wanted to know me the most and ask questions..even though most of them consisted of "is Beyonce pretty in real life" and "is paris hilton nice?" I still am grateful for all the incredible support and LOVE that I feel from them..and just so you know..I DO get the msgs on facebook..and I read them and try to answer as many as I can...

So it opened my eyes once again..I realized that I am not only doing this for ME but I am doing this for YOU....I,believe it or not, am the most successful Finnish celebrity out of that country in my music market/industry...Crazy but true...But I am THE popstar from finland trying her very best and hardest to BREAK the states...I know it doesn't hurt that I'm also half american..but still...I look back and feel soo happy and accomplished..And if nothing else, if I can inspire YOU to go after your wildest dreams as I am doing...Then Im happy!

Time to get to work..so that I can announce my world tour!HA

Alexandra

More than you!

2009-06-02T21:45:00.000-07:00

So I very often question what is all this all about...
I know exactly why I have been put on this earth,and I am on a mission..success with my career..However I am very aware that there is more than YOU in this world..there is more than who you are and what you do...its what you can do for others..and how you can extend yourself to help those who need it..

I have written falsely accused inmates letters..after watching a documentary about american inmates in high security prisons in Thailand..I have brought blankets out to homeless people on the coldest nights in winter..and soon plan to help the fight for violence against women by working with the UN trust fund to help violence against women..I say all this NOT to brag but to hopefully say something that will stay with you,that may spark something in you to do something for someone else...

I think about all those good people who have helped me,financially,emotionally and spiritually and I am sooo grateful that those people have been part of my life..
I feel blessed to have had those people,some gone,and some still around..

I just watched yet another documentary about global warming and how it will effect our life and world,and its looking quite grim...but why can we not ban together and make a change,why can't we all switch in our lightbulbs for energy sufficient ones?Its about small changes from everybody that will help save our planet..does this sound preechy?
Good! Someone has to say it..we are all way to selfish as is..including myself..and if we all tried to recycle,smile more and help friends or neighbors or even (safe) strangers then we would all be better off :)
Go ahead...report back
Xoxox
Alexandra

Im going to give you what U want!

2009-05-30T14:44:00.000-07:00

I'm sitting on a bench in soho in my T-shirt dress and large shades and hat..reading the latest rolling stone issue featuring Lady Gaga...she is my imagination come to life..and I soon realize that I MUST step it up..that means never turning IT off..never going into the real me..maybe behind closed doors..but what I mean is..if I am a pop-star why am I wearing a t-shirt dress in soho..?why am I not decked out to perfection getting photographed as I casually flip through my Rolling Stone and get buzzed/peppy off my Sparks..as I shamelessy drink it in public..haa
Hmmm..."I used to walk down the street like I was a fucking star"
Is what lady gaga has to say in her interview before breaking BiG...why shouldn't I do the same..
I always deck it out at night but day times I reserve for ME time..which I now vow will not happen..I WILL take the advice of my good friend Adrien and not leave the house until I am perfect..perfectly ME
Alexandra Alexis!
If I want it all and more I should give U all and more!!
The games are done..
I'm ON it!

I am sooo excited and cannot WAIT until things get REALLY crazy!!
Its gonna be amazingnessx12

Anyway just a thought for now
Xoxo
Alexandra

2009-05-28T21:22:00.001-07:00

2009-05-28T21:22:00.000-07:00

Enter with caution

2009-05-26T19:17:00.000-07:00

I stepped outside the limo,the boys would pay for it and walked to the front of the line and the velvet rope was opened,the manager ushered us to a table in the back and before I could take my coat off,I was dancing ontop of the table as bottles with sparklers and all were brought out to me,to my table..

This sounds like the scene out of a movie,when in reality is was my sunday night...
This has never happened to me before,I say this not to brag but to give you an accurate description of what my life is like...
I'm going through different career phases it feels like every other week..and the pace is picking up!
I am at that phase where people will do anything to either impress you or be in your presence...I SWEAR to u as I just wrote that a spotlight went on and is now hitting me so that " I can see to type this blog on my bb"
I am at an event flying solo..sitting in the VIP,in my own booth and kinda wondering..if my own security guard who is here to open and close the rope and guard my table is really necessary..and like I said a spotlight is pointed directly at me and is actually kinda creepy as everyone is also now staring...

Anywho as I was about to say people will do ANYTHING..its like anything goes as long as they can come along for the ride..
Tabs are picked up,bottles are brought out,you are escorted,your jokes are laughed at,morals are neglected,hoops are jumped through and your presence is special and appreciated as something rare like a lunar eclipse..in short you could probably get away with murder..

I'm not complaining just contemplating...

And more than ever,I told my friend Kat "I can trust people's intentions less and less"..."You don't know someone until you KNOW someone" she said..as to give my some sort of light at the end of the tunnel...
Its okay..I know the scoop..its what I signed up for as soo many keep reminding me..

This is the most exciting time of my life and as most of us have heard before,I'm just trying to enjoy the ride..

So I'm at this event,and to tell you the truth I kinda forgot what it was for and thankfully am quick when it comes to interview and small talk,so I caught on before looking like an idiot on camera...

"Hi I'm alexandra alexis and your watching fashion tv" and then"hey I'm alexandra alexis and your watching digitalmusic.com.."
These are called drops..cameras line up at red carpets and you do about 5-10 or sometimes more drops back to back and sometimes when people are screaming in your face about what to say it can get crazy..I'm happy I kept it together..and practiced all of this years ago in front of the mirror lol!

The single is being PUSHED and I'm soo excited to take over not only with my album "May Cause Shortness of Breath" but with my upcoming reality tv show with Adrien Field called Almost Arrived..

Yes I kid you not,I wanted to be on a reality show,to showcase my witty ways and hard work ever since I first saw the ashley simpson show..haha
And now its actually happening..aint that nutty..?

My pal is arriving to share this awesome responsibility of partying at this table...hmmmmm 22...never could have imagined this...
I love it and I am so grateful and would not change a thing..

Xoxo
Alexandra

Another place,another me Part2

2009-05-22T19:24:00.001-07:00

Soo after waiting in the plane for nearly 3 hours,I was out of luck,apparantly the take-off/landing equipment was not working and they needed a part to fix it..I should be happy,that in alive and well and safe and such,but I was bummed more than ever,I was bummed more than any of the other times I'd travelled..even then there was always another flight to catch,now it was too late,and my only option was to go home to my empty apartment..I couldn't deal with holidays and being in nyc because it meant no work..there was no one to play with so all I could do was occupy myself to the best of my ability and wait for the sweetness of tuesday morning,where life would be normal again and I could get back
to work..
I'm just bummed,I'm bummed that I won't see my friends and family this weekend...and I'm bummed because the only thing there will be to do all weekend is party...

I couldn't handle alone time well..I can handle it when I wanted it,but now it was cast upon me..or maybe I had an issue with holidays..
Hmmm...
Not sure..

As I was leaving the airport a flight attendant overheard me on the phone and said I was lucky to be alive,wow..she's right I thought...maybe instead of thinking this is something that ruined my weekend,I should think its something that saved my life...
"You need to be alive so we can film our reality show" adrien said...and yes I am grateful because if the universe was looking out for me on this one,which I always trust that it is,I am nothing but grateful..
And u know what,I'm gonna do it RIGHT!

I'm going to pick another time to fly,another opportunity and go see my friends,promote my album,and truly enjoy myself,instead of in and out for a night...

I'm sure I'd get myself into some type of trouble tonight,as I really really need a drink...but at least ill be safe...
Xoxo
Alexandra

Another place,another me Part2

2009-05-22T19:24:00.000-07:00

Another place,another me...

2009-05-22T16:37:00.000-07:00

I'm sitting in the plane waiting for take-off,so far I've been waiting for almost 2 hours,there's only so much one can do before I start to get anxious...

I suddenly out of the blue decided,that I wanted to go to my moms dinner party tomorrow evening...in FINLAND..
Yup that's me miss spontaneous..
So here I am sitting in the back of the plane,in the jump seat,since the plane is full...waiting and waiting..

The last time I was in this plane(also in a jumpseat) I was leaving nyc,to fly to helsinki to perform with Cassidy..the last time I left I was seeing someone..all this waiting has made me think of things like this and moments past..

It also made me think of,no matter how much time passes..I will always be the same person than as I left,each time I return to Helsinki to see my fam and friends...

As I board the plane,I leave THIS me behind and I become another me..

When I get in the plane I breathe a sigh of relief,because for 8 hours I can have uninterrupted sleep..and good service..I've always liked flying..I've been in planes since I was born(my momma works for an airline)..

When I see my bestest friends in the entire world,we laugh and we talk and we reminice and we gush..and we not once talk about music or my career(unless I bring it up) and its really nice,their support is endless and undying..and the best part is no matter how silly or cheesy I am,they GET it...I don't think I've let my guard down THAT much in nyc,where I am more alexandra the artist,than alexandra the girl...

The deal was always this...when I decided to move back to nyc,after an amazing run with Hairspray and 3 months off of play time and living large with my besties...I was going to WORK...as though a soldier going to battle,or kid on a scholarship to an ivy league college..I was going to hit the ground running and only focus on my career..the walls were UP..
It warms my heart to break the walls down,even for just a day...I fly back to nyc the very next day,there is WORK to do..and here I go again!...haha
I left my laptop home on purpose..

Its good to have a place where you can go where you can be yourself,I just wish it wasn't so far!

more to come,just a small update for now,as I WAIT...
Xoxo
Alexandra

Life is a battlefield!

2009-05-20T23:03:00.000-07:00

Things are crazy...they are getting to THAT point..before I start I need to clarify one thing,the reason I write this thing,it to show you what things are actually like,Im trying to give you an accurate point of view and NOT sugar coat it..

So tonight I went to this charity event,met up with 2 new friends(I hope) and for a second realized how much I liked what was happening..I was making friends sort of,and was standing with a group of girls at our next destination(The gates) and could actually imagine what the future of this new friendship might look like...

We hung out at the Gates and things were going MY way,as in,I was happy and content and holding a glass of champy...I found out that the cute boy I had my eye on,so far only on 90210,on TV, was actually there...like WHAT are the odds...so I got introduced,and when he didn't fall head over heels in love with me, I figured it was time to change locations to the always popular Greenhouse..suddenly I was whisked away in a cab and I was sitting under the leaf lined ceiling sipping on more champy with even newer friends than the previous,I posed for what seemed like hundreds of pictures...after people caught onto what exactly I did..I then realized that I was seriously annoyed that I couldn't update my Twitter since my batt had decided to die...so I did what any budding Popstar would,I hit the bar,announced my dilemma and who I was,and suddenly I was surrounded by 2 men with walkie-talkies,talking into their devices saying"we have alexandra alexis,she needs a blackberry charger"...first they ran around looking and then I followed them upstairs and beyond slowly meeting all the staff of Greenhouse and getting them involved in my mission...next thing I knew I was in the back office...sitting with the managers,waiting for my phone to charge,watching American idol re-runs online...and I was happy..the hectic NOISE and crowds of people were behind the many doors it took to get to the office and I was safe...and my phone would be charged...

After my ordeal,I went back to the table to which I was invited to..met some vips...and I wont name drop more than that,even though Im dying too ;)...I looked around and realized that my time was up,I was done,when you know,you KNOW...and I felt annoyed and agitated by the booze,the people,and the music...and the fake conversations surrounding me...

I wanted out...but not before I went up to someone who had not only caused me greif,but slightly dented my heart...I hung out,looked at him,and not only saw what

I didnt like about him,but saw another familiar AND scary face from the past,that was my queue,I was OUT...

FOR REAL this time...I as determined to not bring in the bad anymore,and before I could list all the cons that made up who these men were,I found myself walking home,breathing the crisp new york night air...

Im now at home,alone and thats a good thing..

I can try to enjoy things and Ill try to keep up with the people I like and leave the others behind...Its sooo hard sometimes because I trust people less and less...but the ones who prove themselves are awesome and for once,I feel alive again,I feel GOOD!

Live your life...and be careful...

Alexandra

Enjoy the ride!

2009-05-15T18:26:00.000-07:00

I work very hard,and because I am always on the go and always thinking about my career,I am aware that at times I go overdrive..

I've learned that I must take a breather and simply enjoy the ride and understand that all my hard work,struggles and hustling will be worth it,and that I will succeed...

I worry about letting others down which I think is the main fear we all have... I fear that people will not love me if I'm not amazing at all times.

So then I think,what MORE can I do?Because in my mind,if I do my very best in every party,performance,song,event,red carpet,etc..then there will be no other option than for me to succeed...I also know for sure that success not only comes from hard work,it comes from the belief in something higher,for me it means the universe..once you understand this concept,you will understand the meaning of life..

I had a conversation about "the climb" with a dear friend I hadn't seen in forever,and now as a successful choreographer to the stars in LA,he opened up about the anxiety and panic attacks he suffers from...I had already been through that,he told me about nights when he would break down and just cry,and I also knew about that and how painfully lonely life sometimes felt..its probably one of the most demanding,and impossible jobs you can have,when you choose show business as your path..

But I wouldn't do it,if I didn't love it with a passion..
I think finding a middle ground and a balance,is the healthy way to go..

I had an interview the other day and the interviewer asked me "where do you see yourself a year from now" and I said I have no idea..I always knew that I would succeed but a year ago,I could've never predicted where I would be,and am today...these moments hit me and I realize suddenly that I am on stage performing my newest single Break U,which I am madly in love with,they hit me as I am saying hello to Jay-Z at a party,they hit me when I bump into the Nina Sky girls on the red carpet,when 2 years ago I was opening up for them at their show in finland,where I could only dream of star studded carpets and events..and finally they hit me the hardest maybe as I am sitting with my dear friend and publicist Martha outside in the candle light at the Bowery hotel,munching on cheese,talking about the future,giggling and pinching ourselves over the amazing things that continue to happen to us...that was enjoying the moment and it was amazing!

Today I enjoyed a cupcake from Magnolia bakery with my friend adrien while sitting in the park and people watching,we enjoyed the day..and then talked business :) he's like me,work on the brain 24/7...

Ill never change and I wouldn't want to..but from now on as my favorite tv show ladies say everyday..I promise ill "take some time and enjoy the view"...

Xooxox
Alexandra

The grass is not greener on the other side...

2009-05-13T16:07:00.000-07:00

So you think you might be happier on the other side of the fence?Or do you think you know what is best for someone? This topic has been popping up allover..people telling me what THEY think I should do,say,or act when in reality the only opinion that matters is really mine,its my life...

Im always going to have people that like me,love me and hate me and it goes with the territory...its been a fun ride,and its only getting better...I was reading a blog,thinking "does this blogger hate me"when it actually doesn't matter...people are entitled to their own opinions..

People will try to convince you that they know whats best for you...its funny,never before have I had so much involvement from outside people in my life concerning my career...My mom calls me everyday to tell me what angles she likes my face in my red carpet pics..haha Its cute,and I know she does it out of love,but its funny when people I don't know or don't know very well try to give me advice and "take me to the other side" where the grass may be greener...

I think the MAIN thing in this life,is to do all your homework,research your industry and truly KNOW what you want..and then make your choices..I am loyal to the people who have been there and who will BE there...im not only trying to build an empire but a family,a family of people that love me unconditionally and support me and my dreams....so far i've found them slowly but surely...and Im happy! I have NO doubt in my mind that I will be GREAT and that my dreams will come true...I mean they already are...its feel pretty amazing!

Oprah once said never compare yourself to other,its a waste of time,to focus on the success of others and dwell on what they have,and YOU dont..I used to do that when I was a kid,I'd be like oh man I want what she has...that lucky girlie..instead of thinking what can I do to get that..and just figure it out...I finally figured it out when I was 15...i actually understood that whatever I want...I CAN create for myself and enjoy...If I'm getting over your head,I'm sorry...just KNOW that life is not something that just happens to you...

And the truth is that the grass will never be greener on the other side,because life is as good as YOU make it...sure, you have to work really hard..sometimes ridiculously hard,but as long as your happy and having fun with what you do...it wont ever feel like work and before you know it your flowers will start to bloom,your grass will grow and it will be greener and better than before...

xoxox

Alexandra

I wanna be loved but I dont have time...

2009-05-08T22:37:00.000-07:00

So in an attempt to expand my horizon and meet new people,I attended a house warming party with my friend Ramo,and met his cute classmate he's been talking about...He was cute and he was funny...hmm so what I thought,everyones cute and everyone's funny...

I'm very hard to please,I love my friends and would do anything for them,guys to me are a different category,I'm sure its a defense mechanism,as in don't be so nice to him,so that you don't get hurt...

The scariest part when I meet new guys is when they ask what I do,and I tell them and their expression changes and I can almost see a light bulb appear ontop of their head and go off,its that look of score,I caught a good one...

There was only one person ever in my life who flat out told me he wasn't one of "those skeezy guys" and he disappeared and turned out to be "one of those shady guys"...so my hope is shot a tad,and instead of "falling in love' I stay realistic,I weigh the pros and cons etc...
Soo can he keep up,can he chill,can he be sweet,when I'm being a cunty bitch,yes I said it...its true though...

Sooo if I doubt him,he's out,I told ramo to find out and report back,because I'm a busy gal and I don't have time to "find out and see where it goes"....doesn't that suck? I'd rather just know if he's into me and hang out...I don't do wooing...I do a great first impression and then I get bored and tired probably because my life is soo draining...I love it but I'm tired..a lot...

Soo what is the answer when I'm not even sure I KNOW what I want OR Need??I need a self together stable person who will love me and take care of me and hang in there when life gets hectic...

Ramo came over to crash,and we talked into the wee hours...our friend is dating a guy and is in denial and we can see it clearly and she cannot,the person whom she is "with" does not love her and never will :( yet she hangs on...the millionaire matchmaker patty says "men like playing with vaginas,and many girls will let them,but the special girls will not,they will make you work for it,and once the guys sees that your vajayjay is not "up for grabs" they will stop trying for it and start wanting to know u and not your little princess ;)...sooo okay,even more effort on my part...I gotta hold out AND but cute,funny and adorable,which actually comes very easy to me...but still it comes down to the time issue..

I don't know...my life doesn't really let me meet single,fun,successful cute guys..I wonder if the actor who I find cute can stand me...and if I can possibly let go of what I THINK is my dream dude..because I'm still finding myself,can't I give someone else the opportunity to do the same?

I'm trying to be more open and grow...because u never ever know..u just might find it,the real thing.....
Actual love...

Xoxoxox
Alexandra

Follow the yellow-brick road...

2009-05-07T01:28:00.000-07:00

Here I was,I didn't believe it,I couldn't,yet here I was!I had just performed at Greenhouse,my music video playing on loop on the huge projection screens,I was interviewed by VH1..I used to dream,and I mean DREAM of those(these) days..I could feel it,I was on the brink of becoming the biggest star you've ever seen..I had finally made it,I had ways to go but I was almost there..and there was no where to go but up..

I performed and everybody loved it,ate it up,and I could see in their eyes that they believed in me as much as I'd been trying to convince them for all this time..

Its funny,soo I performed at the Dana-maxx fashion preview at greenhouse,which-after I got whisked away to 60 Thompson for dinner and drinks,compliments of adoring fans and possibly new friends,everyone wants you at their party once they see your going places,but that's okay,if their party is at my fav,nearby home,and always fabulous location,I'm game..

So there I was,with 2 very good friends,having it all..ahh
"So do u think ill end up alone" I asked Jose my hairstylist.."Honey,you'll never be alone,you HAVE us" hmmm "I do,get ready"I told him as I also was secretly telling ME
This is all I ever wanted and its happening...wow...

I ended the night with a beer and pool at my local dive bar hangout..and ended up having a life convo with this amazing woman who had amazing stories and very possibly could be a new friend,it warmed my heart..because I knew that I COULD have it all:career,happiness,and good people..All I ever wanted was everything and I intended to get it!

I'm finally in bed,exhausted,content,happy and un-confused...just taking it all in and only allowing happy,good people around me,I may be sheltered and a little distant but I will be loved,successful and smiling!
Love my life!
Alexandra

The man told me my fate...

2009-04-25T19:07:00.000-07:00

So recently I've been bloggong about life relationships and what it all means as well as the struggles that come with trying to find balance within my career and personal life...

Today I was sitting on a stoop on Mercer street waiting for a friend to be done with her lunch meeting,I'm looking at my phone,in my own thoughts thinking about all that I must do this week,my photo shoot,my show,needing to succeed,etc when an old indian man stops in front of the stoop and looks in front of me and says "wow,your energy is amazing" and in mind I'm like "yeah whatever"... he motions for me to scooch over on the stoop so that he can sit down,and I am utterly confused,He looks me dead in the eye and says "you need to resolve your relationships so that you can be happy" and I know exactly what he is talking about,he gets open a notepad and starts writing down notes while telling me that I'm 23,I don't trust.men,I'm crazy about my career and then he says "wow" again,looks me in the eye and says "your going to be very very famous,a famous singer,and you will have it all,everything you ever hoped for,but your soul will not find its eternal fulfillment because you will not have LOVE,and that is the most important thing because otherwise you will be very lonely" and he continues to tell me about people that have hurt me..and everything I mean every word was accurate..this man didn't know me from a can of paint,and he knew my chosen career,dream,age,personal details..

He then said that "there will be many jealous people which will try and bring you down,never accept anything that is free,otherwise you will get problems" he then continued to say"you have good karma,you have a good heart,resolve your problems,learn to trust again,if you do not change,all you will have in the end is yourself" and then he looked down at his notes almost impressed by what he was seeing and said"wow,you WILL be very very famous" and ended "its going to be ok" at that point I was so choked up and about to cry..

He got up walked down the stoop and then turned around and said "oh and next time I see you,I want an autograph"...

I'll keep going no matter WHAT!

2009-04-21T20:18:00.000-07:00

"Do you realize how your acting?"She said?and I said "no" I didn't..and she told me that I was acting exactly the way that I did NOT want to get treated..I had complained recently that I had gone on a date,and the boy in question had looked at me like this shiny,brand new toy that could bring him everything he ever wanted,I hated it...because he did not like ME for ME,I was merely a stepping stone for him,as many people were for me..

"Do I not treat everybody,with integrity and respect?" I said..."Yes u do"she said but you don't care unless they can offer you something..."Its not my fault,its what's required OF me,if there's an important person to meet,I HAVE to meet them" I said..."What happened to just meeting cool people,just because they were nice random people,just meeting people on a whim"she said..

"I'm in a race,I can't waste time,I've been working hard for this my whole life,its all I ever,ever wanted,and its what I have to do,I wish I could meet people for fun,but none of this is supposed to be fun,its my job"I told her..I tried to say this without crying..I felt so shitty...

She said"don't you ever wish u could be a regular girl,at 22,who just went out for fun?"..

"What's the point of that?"I said?

"Your more fucked up than I thought"she said..

I couldn't believe it..I held my tears back,and fought as hard as I could NOt to cry..I was alone..by CHOICE..and all I wanted was all the sucess my heart and hand could hold,I didn't care...

I had a few main friends and I worked with most of them...okay all of them...and I loved it..I didn't want to be regular or average...I WaNTeD to be "recording artist Alexandra Alexis" at ALL costs..that's all I ever wanted..

I was real,I was honest,I was nice...isn't that enough..I don't want my OWN life,I want my DREAM life,how dare u judge me...

She later said that she was sorry for being harsh, but said it because she loved me,cared for me,and wanted me to "experience REAL life before stardom"..
I've been going out since I was 15,I'm over clubs...she also brought up the point that "as long as you put out that kind of energy,you will only get it back"..I knew she was right..and as my model boy and many others that I had seen,people would continue to want to be around me ONLY because of my success...the same way I wanted to be around certain people..its the industry...I tell myself...
And at the end of the day...I still LOVE it,so who cares,I'm happy,I'm sucessful,I'm a good person...and I work REALLY hard,I always have and I always will!!
What's so wrong about that?
Alexandra

I'm a scared bear...

2009-04-20T11:39:00.000-07:00

It was raining down really really hard,and it was one of those miserable days where all you needed,was your warm bed and a cup of hot cocoa...unfortunately I had things to do and my skinny bitch diet didnt allow the hot cocoa,so here I was TRYING,my very hardest to be productive yet sitting here surfing facebook...my friend also lent me this book called Radical Forgiveness..a huge step up from The Secret but so hard core and heavy duty that I wasn't sure if I could read another word,without starting to cry...

Facebook as I've said before can be disgusting way to stalk to people...I DONT stalk people..lol

But I did happen to pass by some peoples pages to see what they were up to,I couldn't dare bring myself to look at the profiles of those boys who had come and gone,I was too scared to look or even see their pictures...I don't actually care as much as this probably sounds that I do...But I feel like rainy days like this MAKE you reminisce or take a walk down memory lane... And the vain truth of the matter is : the only reason that I have even kept these people as Facebook friends, is so that THEY can watch me,and see how amazing I become,somehow in my girlish mind,it makes me think....that it will make THEM think...

Hmm...it what all us artist ALL secretly wish for...like you'll see all that you missed,when you see me on MTV...and the truth is that in most cases the wont and in some small few cases they will...Oh believe me I've received my share of "I miss u" messages...its all bullshit..But it still made me smile...

Like I said I can't bring myself to look at those certain profiles and see them smiling,that would hurt me too much,and I'm sure you guys all think I'm TOTALLY fucked up for even saying that...BUT in my defense...they hurt me..so Its kinda logical..haha

Over the weekend I had this intense relationship talk with a friend of mine,and she said that she stopped telling guys what she does,because they stick around for the wrong reasons,such as celebrity dinners and court-side seats to the Knicks game...I got scared because I was already recognizing those "symptoms"...I went out with this guy,and his eyes LIT up when we passed the line,into the club,got a table,and drinks,just like that,and all for free...I'm used to it,and he obviously wasn't and now I feel like Oh-god he's seen what I can do for him,he wants more of THAT not more of ME...its very scary,and I have NO idea how I'll deal with this..

Actually I do...and it doesn't end well...

Whats a girl to do...?I wish I had the answer to that one...we all KNOW the answer...find someone genuine..In MY life and in NYC that is a fucking magic trick BUT...what I DO know for SURE as Oprah would say :) is:

Surround yourself with people that you love who will love you back unconditionally...because even though I am SOMETIMES single and a tad lonely on rainy days like this...I LOVE everyone that I work with and I can honestly say that they all LOVE me back,and together as a team we WILL succeed and my true dream in this world WILL come true because of that...and thats what really makes me happy!

xoxox,follow your dreams...and follow me on Twitter http://twitter.com/alexandraalexis

Alexandra

Alexandra THE ARTIST vs Alexandra the girl...

2009-04-18T06:36:00.000-07:00

We all battle spilt personality syndrome to a degree right? Us ladies are one person in the morning(maybe cranky gal) then another person after our hair makeup is put together(glam,confident gal) then maybe official and commanding in our jobs(work gal) but then let our guard down at the end of the day with our friends and a cocktail(relaxed,silly gal)..

You see what I mean,its not ONLY Sasha Fierce,its all of us..Well I feel I battle the 2 worlds not only more drastically but ALL the time,like if a boy meets Alexandra "the artist" while shes "at work" performing somewhere,totally dolled up,lashes,the voice the personality...does it count for him meeting "me"? I'm thinking not since Alexandra,ME...is not showing up to a date in short-shorts,lashes(okay still the lashes) but you know what I mean...what I wear onstage is not what I wear out,even yesterday when I showed up at Terra's salon to get my hair did....her horrified look on her face was evidence enough to veto my outfit...she said that I looked like a homeless boy,just to give you a visual...but said that it was also creative enough to land me on Us Weekly's worst dressed list...haah...

ANYWAY you get it...me at shows...is a diff me from even now as I write this blog by my windowsill,because that's the only place I'm getting a connection ;) haha

Sooo I guess its not really a rant or frustration...its just a general question..how do you deal with the 2,or how do you find someone who gets the 2...I went on a date with a model and we OF COURSE had the diet conversation which is the conversation you will ONLY understand if you are in the spotlight...but it is the biggest relief to have that conversation..a regular person will think your crazy,a model,or actor or singer will simply ask..preparing for a role,performance,shoot?I did that a week,day,month ago....Thats why I believe so many people date other in similar fields or ore specifically,people in entertainment date other people in entertainment...

Ahh the interesting points of this job,are endless...and Ive probably never ever had sooo much to think about and talk about...I'm getting booked,for more and more shows and I feel like all this WORK is coming back ten-fold and that I'm lined up to be your next "It" girl" ...its an amazing yet strange feeling...

Sooo how do I make Alexandra"the artist" join forces with Alexandra the girl...?

I don't...I decided I'm going to step up my day wear,so that I don't embarrass my friends,haha

and keep the sweatpants at the gym and at home...I'll try to be myself when I go on dates,and hope they like me for ME,and I'll do my very very best at my job,because I LOVE it...and when I get back behind closed doors Ill be silly,stick on the sweatpants,and run around my apartment singing old-school Madonna while cleaning my always messy apartment...

Ahhh....perfection

xoxox

Alexandra

Facebook:the bearer of bad news?

2009-04-16T15:27:00.000-07:00

After closing my mouth and letting the shocked look on my face disappear,I wondered, was the ending and beggining of it all on facebook..have we stopped keeping in touch with people? Can we not pick up a phone,if not to call then even text?
My last dude broke up with me or should I say neglected me via email,there was never a call,to talk or explain just a bunch of jumbled up thoughts via email,which still disgusts me,I can sorta laugh about it now,well the bigger bomb was seeing his facebook update saying that he was in a relationship in his status report like 3 days after our official ending,that was the last time my mouth dropped,the way it did 5 seconds ago,granted this was a passing situation,really not serious at all,STILL I find it amazing,overwhelming and strange,that my cuddle buddy has announced the same thing and shamelessly ignored my txt,because IM too proud to call..ahhh technology..hate it or love it?or both?
I'm not mad,or upset or really anything more than amused,its all very interesting,as I look at these updates I wonder to myself what we would DO without facebook,it IS our tool,that we may use and abuse when wanting to find out,who's dating who,who works where and gasp admire our new crush's pictures..
Ahhh surely I love it just as much as we all do,sometimes like just now it catches me WAY off guard,and now at least I don't have to wonder why I never heard back..haha
Be considerate when using FB and never ever post anything you don't want others to know,it can get you in trouble ;)...
Ahhh back to surfing,I just HAD to share this with all of you!
Xoxo

Ever thine,Ever mine,Ever ours...

2009-04-15T19:57:00.000-07:00

Hmmm Ever thine,Ever mine,Ever ours,that's by far my favorite moment in Sex and The City the movie,its in the end where Big and Carrie get married at city hall and big whispers in her ear "Ever thine,ever mine,ever ours" that part makes my heart melt every time,and for a moment

I wonder what it must feel like to feel that way about someone,I still till this day,never have truly,felt that way,ill tell you my problem,I require a lot of attention and dedication,I'm like a little puppy or tedious plant that one must monitor..

Someone..a no-one who I knew was a passing eclipse once said to me as he held me tight.."You can't expect everyone to be perfect,I mean even YOUR not PERFECT" in my mind I'm thinking,are u kidding me..I'm a CATCH,do u know how MUCH I bring to the table? But I'm sure to this career driven male,my lifestyle of fame,events,red carpets,sweetness and kind heart are not enough to impress the day to day of his life which already includes almost all these things..
Its like these days you need to bring a full freaking resume of achievements just to impress your potential mate..
I mean we all have a requirement list of sorts,deal breakers...of thing we will and will NOT tolerate..
Where do you draw the line,where do you make compromises?..

Another new OPTION for me came about this weekend,and after discussing the pros and cons of going out with this guy,the first thing my mom and publicist both agreed on,was how good we'll look together on the red carpet...not is he cool?is he nice?is he funny?

But how does he look..its no lie that we ALL think this before we get to know the person underneath the exterior...
Anyway I'm a firm believer that you do not NEED another person to complete you,all you need is you and some great friends and supporters to be thine forever..
I think the reason that this happily ever after subject intrigues me so much is because I do not understand it,I have no CLUE what love is about,and I'm sure the day I figure it out it'll catch me way off guard..

Soo here I was happy as ever,at an event with my friend getting photographed to death,people knew my name,my dreams were coming true,a reporter from New York magazine was interviewing me,I and I did not understand why,it just all came together so fast and I am sooo happy...I am in LOVE with my success..and it feels sooo amazing! And even though I don't know what LOVE feels like...I feel bad for anyone who does not know what SUCCESS feels like,as it is probably the most amazing,enlightening experience there IS...

And if I need a sappy chic flick to help me FEEL wholesome and heartfelt and lovey dovey,then so be it until the real thing comes along...
Because if you know me at all,you know I don't settle for anyone!...
Xoxo
Alexandra

Its not as easy as you make it look...

2009-04-14T20:43:00.000-07:00

Someone said that to me today,she said "I see you everywhere,like everywhere,and I don't come across many singers and recording artists everyday,and here you are,your everywhere" she was saying this in regards to all the events I attend and red carpets I'm on...she continued to say"we sometimes forget how privilged we are to be able to attend these events and get photographed" I answered "I don't think its that hard,I mean I think anyone who really wants it can do it"..."But that's the thing"she said "we can't all do it,its not as easy as you make it look"..
Hmmm that really stuck with me,I've known a lot of people in my life,and sadly as I met them, they were pursuing their passions and at some point,most of them just gave up,they just stopped, when I guess things just didn't go their way..
I always looked for another way to succeed...
So all I can say,is that things are really nuts,like crazy,were getting offers and opportunities to do all the things that we ever wanted,and I couldn't be happier!
All you can do is really really believe in yourself and what your doing and know that you'll never give up..
Believing in yourself becomes easier as your team grows and you spread "your word" I am shocked and I mean shocked when people actually know who the hell I am or even more when they know who I am,understand me,AND support me!
It takes a lot of preparation and work to make your dreams come true..and I'm happy to say I haven't given up and the fruits of my small labors are showing success..
So don't give up,no matter what EVER........
Ever....ever
Because hard work does pay off..
We all know that true hapiness comes from fulfilling yourself and your own dreams..because at the end of the day all you have is yourself!

Marks in time..

2009-04-13T20:26:00.000-07:00

I feel as though birthdays mark the certain points in life! This Friday it is my publicist Martha's Bday,I am soo excited we are going to Santos to go dance the night away,with a table and bottle of course...
Tonight we went to Stanton Social for their wonderful appies and drinks,with my friends Ramo,Terra,Mayank and my mom..
We continued the night at a hole in the wall sipping on deadly Sangrias that reminded us of past hilar stories including sangiras,shots and more..
I ended the night coming home,wondering who on earth I'd take with me as a bday date(with marthas approval of course) would it be the new model boy I met over the weekend,or the dude who has been back in the picture(sorta) or a random newbie or maybe an old faithful friend..?
As I was wondering this and checking emails and surfing Facebook,I of course saw that bulletin board that has everyone else's posts and upcoming Bdays..
I looked at bdays of old friends and remembered times that we spent together celebrating THEIR bdays..I looked at bdays of people that I didn't even talk to anymore,and thought back to times when I thought I'd prob KNOW them and talk to them until forever..its funny how that happens,how people fall in and OUT of your life..just like that..and the only reminders are pictures you have or most cases some faded memories..
I gave Martha a pretty fun prezzie..a bottle of wine(who doesn't like wine) a gigantic chocolate egg(cuz who doesn't like chocolate,and a hot pink calendar for 09-10 already filled in(because what do u get a publicist) so already filled in with things like,every single major awards show in nyc and la,including fly out to La tomorrow,schedule car pick-ups,dress fittings with some more fun topics like "alexandra performs on good morning america" and "interview with Nylon magazine" mixed in with some crazier but realistic ones like "Alexandra performs at BET awards" and "dinner with Chris and Gwenyth" hahah She LOVED it..!
I think back into past birthdays,events,and times and I wonder where will I be this time next Bday..on tour?on conan o brien?hanging with Kanye in the studio? I can only dream of the many options..and the funny thing is none of these things are even out of reach...
Ahh..where are the people I used to know?Who are the people I am yet to meet?
My friend called me today to call me to say some networks want to meet with us about our reality show idea..wow..
Tomorrow morning I have an early am interview and will try my best to sound smart and confident :)
I have some tv show pilot filming,and finally a meeting with my mom,a high powered,well connected pr chick and martha of course..
I get a txt from model boy,and suddenly I have a date for friday..hmmm should be fun(?)
Hey cute boys never hurt anyone..haha

I'm so excited for the future!!!
Xoxo
Love u all!
Alexandra

Introducing Pop Star Alexandra Alexis!

2009-04-11T19:22:00.000-07:00

"Are u a singer?" the little girl asked me..."I love your shoes,your so pretty" she continued,and for the first time ever I felt high maybe someone like Miley Cyrus must feel,to be adored by a child is a very strange feeling,probably because you know they are speaking the truth to,not trying to kiss your ass...she looked at me with wide eyes,and I remembered how I used to stare at the tv screen and watch Madonna the same way..

I was backstage at Brooklyn Fashion week,where I was performing,lots of craziness,half dressed models,clothing,hair and makeup,photographers and people with head sets..I loved it..
I got escorted to the stage,as I stood behind the curtain the stage lights went down,and it became silent,the host announced me from behind the stage" introducing pop artist Alexandra Alexis" the beat started I stepped onto the stage and started singing and the lights came on and blinded me,I loved it!

I strutted down the long runway singing and posing for the cameras along the way,it was such a rush,it was perfect,the camera flashes were endless,and I saw the look on everyones faces,they were falling in love with me..
I finished off the track..and was happy to see that even the conservative people in the audience didn't flinch when I yelled out "you little bitch" in my track BREAK U..
They all loved it!

I went backstage then back into the tents where I scooted my little high waisted shorts tushie to my front row seat between Martha and my mom,watched the awesome fashion show..
I ran backstage to change and get ready to leave..but got stopped soo many times by photographers and people who wanted to meet me,and pose in pictures with me that it seemed to take forever,not that I'm complaining :)

Its weird I used to have to try SO HARD to meet certain people,sponsors,photographers,you name it and now after that one performance they were all coming up to me..it was easy,even the HOT model backstage..all I had to do was flash him a smile in btwn texting on my phone,and he came right up and introduced himself,I didn't have to do anything,next thing I knew he wanted to take me out,give me his number..the only thing that's scary is,you should have seen how he and everybody else looked at me,its that look of awe,which I truly love,but it also means that they are in love with this image and person and artist I have created,so is it real?is it all smoke and mirrors..
Probably,but that's why I am here,I am HERE to entertain you..to be the girl on MTV,to be admired,photographed,to be on stage jumping around for 2 hours..to tour,to not sleep and not eat so I can look amazing for YOU..I love my job!
I am YOURS..
And I couldn't be happier!

I love you all,thank u for supporting me as I make my dreams come true!

Xoxo
Alexandra

Im only human

2009-04-09T21:30:00.000-07:00

When your in this business you are trying to make everybody happy,aswell as keep up with everybody and always try to be present,put together and generally stunning!Its not easy sometimes when everyone wants everything from you! A smile,a good attitude,perfect hair nails makeup a size 00 body..a perfect performance,perfect posture the list in endless and even though I list all these things like oh my gosh I'm so overwhelmed,I actually secretly love all of this stuff,I don't know what I'd do if this stuff wasn't part of my life,I need this to survive...

I'm only human and sometimes all I really want is a slice of pizza(can't cuz it'll make me fat)a glass of wine(fat+unhealthy+poss hangover)ha and a good movie with a nice boy to maybe cuddle with(I don't meet nice boys because they aren't out where I'm at,AND I'd probably be too busy to notice them anyway)

Today I was at this event,the first one in months that I could not I mean no way could not get into,I get into everything and there I was with Richie Rich and Lydia Hearst not getting in and it truly sucked!There was more of a party outside than inside with all the big names that could not gain entry at the back VIP entrance..This guy made his best flirtatious attempt to talk to me I finally looked up from scrolling through my Blackberry and said "and who are you" I wasn't trying to be mean so I gave him a coy smile,he introduced himself as Tristan and I said"Tristan this is my assistant,gave your information to her" he was like wow that's crazy..and Danielle(my assistant) was like yes isn't it and smiled!He regardless gave his information,I went back to scrolling and I overheard him say make sure she calls me..hmmm soo even a nice,persistent cute guy couldn't crack my code...I don't let people in..I'm freaked out by people..because I can't ever predict what their next move will be...I like security and knowing that everything will be okay,I'm not in a place right now that I can afford to be unhappy about anything,I need all the energy that I can muster up to complete the rest of my album,promote it,and generally BE the next biggest star on this planet..

I know to some of you it sounds like I'm reaching for the stars but if you know me at all,you'll know that if anyone can pull off something this big,its me..

Soo after finally not getting into THE event...an event for a huge magazine..a magazine that I was IN last month,I gave up,walked to the subway,and took a subway home..going down the steps was scary as I kept thinking what would people think if they saw me looking this fab and taking a subway but once I got down there I knew no one..AND they didn't know ME...because even though I'm climbing,its in certain circles..Richie Rich may call me honeypie,the photogs may stop while in their cars to photograph me on the street,and I may be "the next it girl" but I'm not there YET..I should be ecstatic and(I AM) willing to do anything,I mean anything it TAKES to make my dreams come true and not bitch when stuff like tonight doesn't go my way..

Its hard to keep the balance equal at times,its hard to slide in from work mode,to friend mode to whatever else my life demands..haha
I got off the subway at Spring street and breathed a sigh of relief,I picked up the newest issue of TEEN VOGUE and kept re-reading my name in print from a party that I attended for them a few months back..I used to dream of being in that magazine,and it was only my name but someday I'd be on the cover,because seeing that in front of me,once again,proved that I will do it,and ill be amazing and ill be huge because no one,not anybody can stop me!
I come home and my friend comes to hang out before heading out to see another friends band perform..its 10.00pm and she's like,"your not coming?"(I never promised to)and I'm like I can't,I don't want to be social..I had earlier talked about wanting to go cuddle with a new friend tonight..(Nuff said)
She said its kinda fucked up that you can do that but you can't go support your friends band.."I don't have to do anything,if I go over to his place,I don't have to talk,I don't have to be funny or charming or pretty or try..all I have to do is be comfortable and breathe and maybe get tea served in bed..before falling asleep to the sound of Frasier..ahhh just thinking about it right now as I write this on my phone in bed makes me smile but wish I actually was there instead of just in my bed by myself..

Anyway with most people whether its my work or plain old "fun" it(FUN) doesn't exist in my book,its all work,I always must look fab wear heels and makeup and be ready to sell myself and my brand at a drop of the hat,every chance I get..so the only way to truly be cosy comfy and relaxed is to stay behind closed doors...

Wow can I write today..but its helping me to share..
I cannot tell you how amazing things are right now..and before my friend left for our friends band performance she said "you know I'm really proud of you,you've come so far,I'm gonna go see these guys play and ill probably be seeing them play months from now,years from now,but they'll always be the same,you'll be long gone,and I get why you do the things you do,you know what's best for your career,get some sleep,big day tomorrow.."
My mom flies in tomorrow,I am attending Brooklyn Fashion Week then performing my new single "Break U" at the after party..I am determined to blow up..
Anyway I'm only human,I love love love my life,its all I want to do..its all I ever wanted,ever since I practised posing in front of our giant mirror in my doorway when I was 4 and bored alone at home with the housekeeper,I still remember dreaming of days like this and how far they felt..
I feel so grateful and blessed!

Thank you for the support and love,the empire state building is telling me to go to sleep,its lights have turned off..
Zzzzzzz
Xoxo
Alexandra

While im waiting in starbucks...

2009-04-08T09:32:00.000-07:00

I'm sitting on this snowy day in April in Starbucks where I am holding choreographer interviews today! Thank god I didn't book a rehearsal room for 30bucks an hour,so far my first person is a no-show...not looking very promising,its hard when your starting off,and everything you try to do to enhance your team and brand must be done for next to nothing..

I'm a creative girl,and I've always managed to make magic happen...btw its looking like number 2 is a no-show aswell..what is up with people?
Anyway as I sit here and wait to interview choreographers who will hopefully join my team and work with me and my new dancers...
I look around a realize that Starbucks is the mecca of interviews..the people to my left are interviewing for assistant positions,the people in front of me are breaking up,the people by my side are from australia looking confused by the hectic atmosphere..

My number 2 shows up a cute taiwanese girl,she's so cute I want to put her in my pocket..
I soon realize from her excitment about my show,how far I've come..oh my goodness...it hits me from time to time..I never tire of my life even though only getting 2 hrs of sleep last night..

I am a workoholic and everything is perfect,I'm in the studio,at interviews,at events,at fittings and at meetings I am SO happy..
And last night for the first time in my entire life I got called "Sweetheart"..it made me melt..I've never been called that by anybody,and I don't know why its so dear to me,I feel like it is the ultimate heartfelt thing you can say to another person,that is when its real and the other person really MEANS it...other than I love you..
To be someones sweetheart is kind of nice...are u puking yet?

Anyway I'm SO NOT in love or anything close,I'm just happy in all senses of the word and meaning..I AM happy and so ready..I have arrived..
Back to reality my number 3 is late..why people why?
I'm determined to have a choreographer by the end of the day..!
Xoxo people!
Alexandra

Pushing the envelope..

2009-04-05T17:08:00.000-07:00

Can I write a song about the kinky things people like during sex?I'm off to a great start..in my first single "Break u" my fav line is"oh look at you,go tell your friends,how you've been whipped....you little Bitch"
Oh yes I am calling the guy who is in love with me in the song a little bitch...

And that's just the first single,I cannot wait for you guys to hear it,I'm just making sure it perfect before I put it out!!

So I'm still in the songwriting process and am working at it everyday,I also keep wondering how much I can push until its almost too much..I wanna make a totally outrageous song!

Though the first song will shock you and make you dance,one editor called it the next gay anthem!
People from all walks of life,like the song so that's a good thing,the album name is amazingness...are u ready?
"MAY CAUSE SHORTNESS OF BREATH"
Soo Alexandra Alexis:May cause shortness of breath..
I love my new album..love love love it!!

I am getting busier everyday so we added an assistant to the team..danielle is awesomeness and when I was interviewing her,her spirit reminded me that of Jennifer Hudsons in Sex and the city the movie!
Anywho it'll take a load off everything..

I just got booked to perform at Brooklyn Fashion Week,aswell as the Dana-Maxx show at Greenhouse,both events happening this month,and the single hasn't even dropped yet..soo much goodness!
I can't wait to drop the single and see what happens THEN..
I also did I recent interview with our fav online publication Scallywagandvagabond.com..hope ya'll read it..:)
We love them,they say it how it is!

Anyway its def exciting times..I'm in the studio doing full days,hitting less events during the week but making room for important ones,aswell as fittings,and rehearsals..
So on this final note..I try not to but I admit that I did go and read some of the comments posted about my interview..its not anything specific but I guess what I realize is that people are always going to have an opinion about you,and who you are,and what you do!
Its just interesting when people who don't know me from a paper bag have a LOT to say about what I should or should not do or say...welcome to my world..

Xoxo
Alexandra

Am I a bitch?

2009-03-29T11:26:00.000-07:00

"Keep it in check girl,don't become that person" she said..."What person?" I said..
My friend continued "the person your turning into,I'm scared to see what happens when you become really famous"

We were at The Box one of the most infamous amazing clubs in nyc..the box has live shows which are enjoyed from the privacy of your "own box" where you can order food,drinks and dessert while watching the crazy acts on stage..it is a fabulous experience..fabulous for everyone except for those who cannot get(afford) a private booth and their pricey bottles and drinks..if you are made to stand. you are in the back of the room,while getting pushed around by stuck up staff trying to tend to their vip clients and tables as fast as possible!

Well there we were standing in the back(no tables were available,and I'm not big enough yet to have a table cleared) we were being taken care of by the manager with drinks..but I was uncomfortable,tired,my feet hurt and I couldn't see the show..and that's really the only reason I go there...my friend thought I was being a diva for not having as much fun as she was..and gave me the "bring me back down to earth talk" I'm real,I can appreciate a fun night out..I CAN'T appreciate drunk people around me,spilling their drinks on my clothes...people pushing me acting crazy,skeezy guys trying to grab my butt..and not being able to see the show..unreasonable?

I don't believe in wasting time or energy..and I don't see any point in doing something just to do it..I like fun that's all set up and organized..table,bottle,food,show..ahh perfect..
Without it I'm just not up for it with my already crazy schedule and lifestyle..

I don't want to be that person..who's crazy and demanding..I don't think I am..
Its hard because as I advance in my life and career,I climb higher and higher and my friends stay on the same level..I begin to think that cabs are the only means of transportation and that champy is served to me at every event,certain luxuries start to seem very regular and normal..its as though you've traveled coach,then one day you try business class..which after you can never go back..

Its not diva but more a question of comfort and efficiency..
The busier I get,the more I must distance myself from "fun nights out"..I'd rather sleep..from drinking and eating shit..because I have to fit in the sample sizes..from anything that will really waste time and not create positive results..

I fear my friends see me as becoming uptight,I see myself as becoming an unstoppable pop-star..the next IT girl..and I can't get there by hanging out,as much fun as it may be..you know?
So what's going to happen to me?
I know exactly what I want and I know that I'm right on the verge of it...it might mean risking a "normal life" with real experiences..I'd like to think that I could manage to combine both..I'm still nice to everyone,kind hearted and have compassion and empathy..so I'm not a lost cause..

But still..How do you stay real in an industry that is so very fake..how do you not get sucked in when your required to be in this world 24/7..
I'm not sure..I don't think I really have the answer..I'm just sharing..I have real people around me that really love me,I'm hoping it'll be enough to keep me grounded...
Xoxo
Alexandra

I have to pinch myself..

2009-03-27T19:32:00.000-07:00

I have to pinch myself,I really do...I'm not sure how I stumbled upon such good fortune..
I've travelled the beaches of Thailand and walked into major label offices when I was 16,whenever I decided I wanted to do anything,I did it..no questions asked..I never asked people for permission with anything..I just did it and the people that loved me,supported me!
I met a life coach last night,and he showed me a picture with Madonna from the 80s surrounded by people she loved,she looked completely happy and like she just started the trek to her ludicrous career..the life coach said that without key people that support you,you are nothing,because you cannot do it alone..I as any young budding artist,receive dozens of suggestions and offers from people,I will never abandon MY team because they have been there through it ALL..

I sometimes cannot understand everything that happens,I just know that the world is meant for me. my destiny is mine!
Its small potatoes for now,but I got asked for 2 interviews in one week to just talk about me,and the new album,that's happened but never in the states..I felt special for a second,and that all my dreams were coming true incredibly well..you know that saying; give a man food and he will starve but teach him how to farm and fish and he will never starve again! I am the girl who does not need supervision,I can make magic happen..give me my song,and I will personally make sure every big club DJ is playing it,give me my dress and I will get photographed on the red carpet,give me my tools and I will succeed..
I wake up every morning and look out my window and see the Empire state building looking back at me,I know I'm fine,I believe in myself and my dreams soo much and I have people that have my back,I am SO grateful and incredibly happy..
Its a basic post today but I just wanted to write to remind myself and you to ALWAYS follow your dreams no matter what...

Xoxo
Alexandra

Lessons Learned

2009-03-25T09:35:00.000-07:00

I watched her utterly break down and cry in my lap..my friend,my dear friend was losing the battle in her relationship..She said she couldn't eat because she'd throw up,there was a time when I felt that way..and I knew how much the physical pain of something emotional HURT...

This is the 2nd friend this week going through the struggle...my other friend broke off her 4 year relationship...saying that they wanted different things in different places..Boy does that sound familiar...

I hurt when my friends hurt and I cry when they cry...Why does Love make us feel this way? It shakes us and tests us and makes us weak..Everyone says that there is a lesson to be learned from every person that you meet..I've met all my past bf's in freakish weird coincidences..

Ive meet them at parties I wasn't supposed to be at,street corners where I needed directions...you name it...these people changed who I was for a second and inspired me in one way or another to be better than who I am today..They all encouraged me,supported me and even though I like to call some of them alcey(alcohol) you know your still my sheep(shout-out) If its you you'll know...haha

Back to the story..these people,most of them,shared my passion for music and love and we had some magic there for a while..So doesn't that make the battle WORTH it? I hope so..

I wonder about these people many times and I think..if this is how you changed and affected me...what did I contribute to you?...hopefully my ambition and passion towards life rubbed off a little?I hope I brought something else to the table,other than shits and giggles?..I'll never know,I can only wonder..

One of you taught me to let go more,not be so serious and enjoy life a little,another one of you taught me to respect myself,another one of you showed me what I wanted out of life, and what I am willing, and not willing to give up,someone else showed me even more than ever,that I don't want to be a party queen,I want to pursue my career,another one,one the most important one,showed me that I am loveable and deserve to be loved even though I am a total controlling career obsessed woman..I didn't know someone could REALLY want to be with someone like me..and not run for the hills..

WOW honesty..utter honesty...don't laugh at me for being this open...

Anyway take the positive things with you when relationships end,never let anyone treat you like shit,and always KNOW who you are and where your going...

I love you all,good look with LOVE!

Alexandra

I want to tell the truth...

2009-03-23T19:14:00.000-07:00

"I went to New York.I had a dream.I wanted to be a big star. I didn't know anybody.I wanted to dance.I wanted to be famous.I wanted everybody to love me.I wanted to be a star.I worked really hard and my dream came true."

-Madonna

I love this quote by Madonna,I feel inspired when I read it,and good about what Im doing and where Im going..Only I can make my dreams come true and I've always believed in the power of YOU..I moved back to NYC after touring with Hairspray..some people dream of being in that show,and it just fell in my lap..I always wanted to perform,and so it just happened..I came back to NYC determined to do anything it took to "make it"...

When I left Finland,I was tabloid news...not something I'm proud of it,but I guess it goes with the job description...people would get money for anonymous tips on things they'd see me do(nothing crazy) then call mags to dish and collect their money,nobody was "safe" to talk to except my few close friends..When I came back here to NYC,the whole city felt "safe" nobody knew me and I was okay in everyones book...People will always try to lift you up AND tear you down..Today was a day like that 15,000 people that maybe didn't know me before,now know my name because of a stupid and untrue "scandal" on gawker.com and guestofaguest.com...I want to put myself out there,and I try to be safe and smart about my decisions..I guess I still have a long way to go..isn't the music industry the ugliest industry?

I started a web show with a friend of mine in an attempt to try and let YOU in..Im making it as honest as possible,I want to inspire YOU..I want to show you the REAL me..who is hard-working,bubbly,all smiles,and determined..I AM happy,why shouldn't I show it? Just because I'm working hard doesn't mean I cant have fun...

I'm trying to please everyone and still be myself..its very hard to do that...

I want it ALL...I dont' want to be known as a socialite..because I'm NOT...I didn't go to an Ivy League school and I don't come from a wealthy family..I go out often to many events but for me its a networking opportunity...

I work allday everyday..and have a passion and a talent..Im working hard on my album and when I'm sleeping Im dreaming and thinking about it...

I know exactly what I want and where Im going..and I am so excited to share the amazing project that me and my team have been putting together for the past couple months!I dont want to let anyone down,I want to work really hard and make my dreams come true...through my amazing music and shows..not through the latest NYC social scandal..

Anyway this is me,you heard it hear first,the next time you hear any major news on me,it'll be my album review!...

Thank you to everyone who believes in me,I could NOT do it without YOU...u know who you are...I can't express how much you have changed my life and continue to inspire me to become who I am shaping out to be...I want to make you all proud!

I LOVE you...

xoxo

Alexandra

I refuse to be jaded..

2009-03-22T02:02:00.000-07:00

I used to watch you,know your movies,your songs,love you,admire you,even hope to be like you someday,Be careful WHAT you wish for...How fabulous I told my mom,aren't "their" lives amazing!..I looked in awe...when I was a teenager...

Last week I was invited into "their" world...I hated it...because none of it was real,I can't elaborate too much...unfortunatley..but what I realize is that "having it all" is a very lonely existence,if you have no real friends or family to share it with...

I was at an exclusive event in LA...so exclusive that only a handful of people were invited...I was welcomed into "the looking glass" where anything you wanted,you could HAVE...but what happens when you have it ALL...?

This experience was the first ever that made me question what kind of existence I was setting myself up for?

Would I be happy?or miserable,isolated,jaded and lonely...I suddenly realized why Lindsay,Britney and many others went through the ups and downs they did...BOREDOM

because everyday is groundhogs day...

Everyone I spoke to had everything they ever wanted,hated their lives...and had no PASSION...to travel,experience or LIVE...they had already done it "ugh,I HATE The Ivy"..."I can't stand Intermix"..."Africa is sooo boring"...

Really?I thought..as it all sounded quite appealing to me...but if you fed me a piece of chocolate cake every day...I would despise it after a week....OK a month...or year...but you get my point...

So what is an aspiring star,singer,mega talent supposed to do..?

Hang on to dear life...and dear friends,who are NOT in the industry,who can ground me,remind me of the simple things,like how much I LOVE having movie nights and cooking for my friends,how much I love sunsets in Thailand,How much I love the funny stories and people from high school...and how much I hated(still do)math...

I didn't want to become a victim of THE MACHINE...I wanted to be successful AND happy...

So I'm going to everyday help someone else do something good for themselves,because THAT is fulfilling...while I work on my ultimate dream...

The journey truly IS the best part because I get to wake up everyday NOT knowing what will happen,who I'll meet and how far I'll get..I LOVE "the chase" and I LOVE performing and making people FEEL something...because I now know FOR SURE that money can NOT buy happiness,experience or even fun...money can buy drugs that will force your brain to feel FOR you..I'm not into that..I prefer actual feelings...real emotion...the good and the bad..

Sometimes I get scared that I am already becoming infected with bad energy...My friend went out to some cool club one weekend..and I said "why didn't you invite me?" and she said"because you hate normal clubs,you don't want to go unless there is a red carpet,or photographers,or its an event,or its work...you don't like "normal fun"...and she was right,I found it a waste of time..I should be songwriting or working or promoting my music or getting exposure...if thats not whats happening,Im staying home to sleep,work or chill..

I also stopped taking subways 3 months ago..is that normal?Im not prissy..I believe in saving time...

There was a time when I was broke and walked in the snow at night,to and from clubs to the subway far from everything...was up all night meeting ALL the dj's making them play my songs in the clubs..and not caring how tired,cold or lonely I was,all I knew was that I had a dream,and that I was going to make it and that I would not stop until I did...I still believe that...I just feel like maybe I fought harder before?Or maybe Im fighting just as hard now but on another level...I am no longer competing with all the open mic:ers and pioneers,I am competing with major stars on red carpets fighting to get noticed so that my album will drop with a bang,..shmoozing magazine editors to print my pics,convincing designers that I am the next 'it" girl that they must dress..and trying to show the world that dreams do come true with hard work...

I don't know about everybody else but I know who I AM,I'm real...you can talk to me about anything,I care,I hurt,I love,I bleed...I'm REAL...and I intend to stay that way...

Follow your dreams,work really hard,never give up no matter what anybody says...and never change yourself for anyone EVER...because the most important relationship you will ever have,is the relationship you have with yourself!

Reach for the stars...I LOVE YOU ALL!

XoXo

Alexandra

Heart pounding passion...

2009-03-20T22:57:00.000-07:00

You know when you have IT..u know that crazy psycho,I NEED u feeling...Carrie Bradshaw asked just that question in sex and the city..when you feel normal,does it mean the relationship is the right fit or just,well normal,but then again when you feel crazy high like your on cloud 9 is it REAL or is it lust?

I was thinking back to the last person who made me feel THAT way..
It was a whirlwind,a passionate,crazy,rollercoaster ride,we didn't care but anybody except us..it was my first heart pounding,can't breathe when I look into your eyes moment..
We had a romance for weeks,we were inseparable,it was the most amazing time I've shared with anyone ever..
It ended when he moved away from nyc,I won't elaborate but maybe half of the "rush" was because we were both playing with a dangerous situation..I don't judge anyones love angles so please don't assume anything about me,I'm just sharing..
I'm sharing because I can't remember the last time I had the passion AND the laughs..
Tonight I bumped into an old flame..definete passion,no laughs though..so I just said hey and kept on walking..like I've said before I want it all..
I want the crazy amazing,I feel like I might faint when I see you, feeling..I had that..it was awesome..it nearly cost us a lot..but boy was it FUN..
My publicist at my time,saw it go down..I met the dude at a show I performed on..I saw him,decided I had to know him,looked in his eyes and that was it..weeks later..that same publicist said..please no more pda's...I can't deal..and its not good for your image..After he moved,I didn't do Pda's for a year with ANYONE,I still don't,I make exceptions when I think the coast is clear.I'm sure its not a good idea..these days I'm the single gal about town..I love it,I need it right now..but boy oh boy do I want to start a fire with someone..

I hope you feel what I'm talking about,if your in a relationship and your not completely crazy about the other person,then ask yourself... why?

Xoxo
Alexandra

Ps-I myspaced him after I wrote this,to remember the good old days...hey u never know..haha

Bitch stole my shit,but life goes on...

2009-03-14T20:51:00.000-07:00

Material things are not real,they can be replaced..I still feel bad though, that today as the strong wind blew across the city,my beautiful fur collar flew into the street and a biatch took that shit and ran..I will never get it back,it was a gift,it was sentimental..it was special..
It actually ruined my day and it caused me to be late for a meeting with my photographer who is shooting my new album cover..
I felt awful and left the meeting feeling silly and petty and stupid..A dear friend of mine today had a death in her family,and I felt like a total idiot for feeling "bad" about an ITEM,a freaking ITEM..I feel like an asshole..I wanted to be there for my friend and I hope she is okay and I feel for her because I know how bad SHE is feeling..
Your loved ones are the ones that matter in LIFE,all that extra shit is cool..but the people that LOVE U,and whom you love are the people who will be there to keep you warm when your fur collar won't..cheesy but true..

Another thing passed through my mind when this happened...anyone hear of "karma's a bitch" ..but I've never stolen someones fur..hmm...haha
I've tried to be understanding with those, who have not been with me,I've tried to forgive and forget,I don't have to try to be, because I AM always NICE to all..I don't play the cruel intentions game..when a lot of NYers do..

Today I spoke with not one but TWO exes..it was nice..they both missed me(hilar)how could they not?They were both involved pre-almost famousness,had seen the new um developments and figured TODAY was the day to try to get things popping again..needless to say as I know them both,I know that getting anything going would be a bad bad idea..
Besides do you REALLY want to date a career driven,off food dieting,picky girl,who wants it all and more?..haah..I'm not THAT bad,but I admit its a challenge..

Soo what do you think?Is Karma a bitch,did their bad behavior with me get them new bad behavior from others?Did I once upon a time do something to earn me a stolen fur collar?Or do we use these things to remind us about the important things in life..that all we DO actually need is LOVE..?
I think as long as you have good friends and loving family, you are very blessed..I am loved..I am happy..and I guess I'm using today, as petty of a wake-up call that it is,to remind me to be in touch with those I love..

Anyway all of you, call up those you love,make amends with those who caused you pain,and let it all go..
I love you all and appreciate the support more than you know!
Alexandra

Ps- and honeypie(u know who u are) I heart u sooooo much,for being there for me,for believing in me and supporting me!I BELIEVE in you..we are going far and I am here for you for anything you may need!
XO

Flashing lights...

2009-03-12T20:36:00.000-07:00

"Over here".."One more" "Alexandra look left" "Right Here"..this is the madness of the red carpet,the truly big ones are crazy..tonight was semi..I was at the Vanity Fair party..The flashes are blinding in all truth and honesty..I enjoy it.I've waited for those moments my WHOLE life..

I used to pose in front of the mirror when I was 4 and just practice..
When other kids pretended they had an imaginary friend with them,I pretended I had an imaginary cameraman(I'm not kidding) it was a video guy with a big camera,and I used to give him "tours" of my house a la cribs,and give interviews..when my parents would get home from work..I'd make them sit in the living room and put on shows for them...ONLY Madonna..I'd sing "Like a Virgin" and perform in my moms sequin gold tube top..who knows how they kept their composure..it must have been HIGHlarious..
But that's when I knew for the first time..right there... that I wanted to be in the spotlight..

I hated school my whole life and I wasn't popular and I wasn't unpopular I was just different..I didn't relate to "kids" even though I WAS a kid..My parents were major social people,they had parties in our loft every weekend where I would stay up till the wee hours having conversations and dancing with all their guests..I still remember telling people about my grand plans for life,or how I thought there should BE a Barbie Restaurant..

I knew,I was always determined,I wanted to sing dance and have fun..
Its funny looking back at it all now..its funny how things happen..I'm soo grateful..soo happy..

Do what makes you smile,what makes your heart beat,what fills your body with passion..follow your dreams..otherwise if your not...What are you doing?
I'll leave you with that thought..

Thank you for supporting me
Xoxo
Alexandra

Thank my Lucky Stars...

2009-03-11T22:00:00.000-07:00

Its been an amazing week,month,year...I know always write about ME but isn't that what blogs are about?haha

Im sharing this in the hopes that you guys are actually interested to hear about what I do best,ME...

The word is out,if you live and thrive in the Manhattan social scene,you know me,or you've heard my name...You know what the deal is...

Its something I've worked so hard for and as I was at the Baby Phat showroom today picking out new items for myself,I was talking with the girl assisting me and she said "you know,you just have to be grateful,for all that you have" I knew exactly what she was talking about..And as I looked down at the beautiful clothing and snakeskin shoes and bag I smiled,not because of the items but because what they meant..

I read Kimora's book 3 years ago,and it made me smile and think of all the wonderful things that were yet to come in my career,I cant believe these days,she is one of my favorite and most important sponsors..I HEART KLS...

It just goes to show that hard work and strong ambition pay off...There were soo many dreams that I had for myself growing up and Im shocked to say that they have come true..everyday is a journey in my world, where I have no clue how it'll end..by the time I get home at the end of the day,my life has changed once again...

The other day I was at the Andrew Marc showroom returning jackets I had loaned for Fashion Week,and after declaring that they should name one of their newer jackets after me(hah)or simply call it "The Alexandra" I went to the nearest new stand, grabbed a Teen Vogue and ran into to Starbucks to flip through it...I was looking for my pic,hoping it'd be in that issue...FYI it will be soon :)

Anywho I flipped through and was disappointed when I got to the end,since I was nowhere to be found,I looked up at a confused looking man...I had been in such a rush that I didn't notice I had sat down at his table,where he was working on his laptop and drinking his coffee...he had a smirk on his face and said "So you like Teen Vogue?" and I say "Um yeah,I was hoping it'd be IN it"...he says "I work at Teen Vogue" I say "wow,cool"...I had Paper mag in my other hand...so he continues..."You like Paper magazine"..I say "well this one Im actually IN"...He says.."my friend shot that cover" anyway kids you get the drift,needless to say luck seems to have taken a liking to me...and we switched info right after that convo..

I feel ever more that I am MEANT to be here RIGHT now,doing what Im doing...

I hope you all feel the same...I told a friend that today after she called me crying that she was about to break with her boyfriend of 3 years because she didnt like the way her life was going...another friend was gushing today because her relationship is going VERY well but alas also no direction...she wants more from life..But is caught up...when she told me about the sweetness of her bf...I cooed "aw I want that too.." she said " No you don't...you want all or nothing up front and your not willing to see where things go...U cant control emotions Alexandra"...she had read me like an open book...she continued "besides your busy becoming a superstar...thats what IS important" and yet again she was right...I looked back on my day,meetings,showrooms,starving for my photoshoot,hair+makeup,then events...I LOVE it...very much...

Luck gave me another gift...a celebrity friend...shhh.I wont tell you WHO though...she's lovely,very well known...and real..after a sea of floating..well floaters..I realize the people we think are the fakest ,are putting up a front from their REAL selves in order not get screwed over or hurt...anyway it was one of those ironic things where when I was kid...I thought she was THE coolest...well turns out she IS..haha...

I have become a little shut-in from going out..I meet many faces,that I do not remember,I meet many people who sometimes know more about me than I do...haha

But sadley the people...like YOU..Im protected from...I love sitting at the VIP table but its quiet...

Im NOT complaining..I guess Im finally becoming successful..its a very strange feeling when it happens...when all that you wanted......happens...

I used to wish upon many stars, on many nights for the life I lead today...I still do...I still hope,wish and believe...

Goodnight

Alexandra

Forgive and Forget about it...

2009-03-08T21:41:00.000-07:00

So today Ryan Leslie twitted that he had lost a friend today due to a misunderstanding but that at least he had his music..

I can relate..at the end of the day no matter how bad anything is..I still have ME,I still have a bright future and plenty of things to be excited about..

I met a girl today and she had just lost her job AND was in the middle of an awful awful break-up and she told me"I don't know what I'm going to do with myself"
That was the scariest thing I've heard in a while..I mean if you don't know who you are then who does?..

I couldn't believe that her life was incomplete because of the break up..I try and see life as first I have me,then my music my passion my LIFE and then fam and friends and then maybe ill have someone on the side who is amazing and incredible but he is NOT my everything..

What happened to women not being ok on their own..what happened to getting what you wanted and why are people settling for less than what they deserve...Rihanna?

I'm a huge Madonna supporter,I think she is amazingly spiritual and smart..I watch her documentary "I'm going to tell you a secret" all the time for inspiration..and in it she says..the biggest thing that you can do for yourself is forgive people but also wish them well..
Harboring negative energy creates nothing positive..that is a FACT..I emailed some people who had been mean/weird/douchey and said you weren't cool but I'm sorry if I wasn't cool and I hope your ok..and surprisingly I felt BETTER and I felt open and light..
Some of them answered me back,and I saw their names pop up in my inbox,and I erased them all,I couldn't bring myself to read the responses,because I knew what I had to say,I said it,I put it behind me,and I won't look back..resolution is mine..

There's no point in reopening the case..because even feeling pissed at someone no matter how stupid they are,or hurt by whatever happened,just makes YOU feel more annoyed,anxious and overwhelmed..

I bumped into a girl from my old school when I was a kid,I remember her always being mean to me,she came up to me at an event..looking drab,I was lookin fab..and said I'm soo proud of you,I always read up on you and really wish you the best..I was completely taken back by it..its funny how the tables can turn..

Mean,negative people are the plague and their energy will take you down with them..you can feel it when your talking to someone crazy,mean or even boring..the life is sucked out of you...

Soo from now on not only will I stay away from meanies..ill forgive the meanies from the past and wish them all well and then forget about it,because its NOT worth it.....
It never is...

Hold on baby,your gonna be a star!

2009-03-05T21:04:00.000-08:00

Someone sent me that today :)
I've reached an interesting new point in my career,where you either love me,hate me,use me or want me...

Some people hate that I don't say hello to them first...I meet a thousand people,if I don't get over to you,come tap my shoulder,I'm always ready to talk :)..I realized this when I bumped into Russel Simmons last night,I've met him once before but realized from the look on his face,that he did not recall,3 times is the charm..this was the 2nd so let's hope for the best next time :) haha

Its just funny since these days that same expression comes across my face way more than usual when bumping into people "I know",although I'm better at concealing it I think(shhh)
For the first time ever,I experienced the fawning experience,people coming up and loving me for no reason at all..hmmm..its just funny..
That was exactly the scene last night at the paper mag party..and the scene in general these days..People SEE me now..hmmm

I'm in the new PAPER magazine and today on the paper mag blog they mentioned me and referred to me as a pop microstar...I like that term,as it is very true...right now I'm micro,heading towards mega..

Me and Martha are exstatic over all the wonderful press in anticipation of the upcoming single and album etc!
I have a perma smile on my face,and am so incredibly happy and grateful...its an incredible feeling when you realize your dreams are coming true...

I am nice to everybody I meet and in this biz...you will meet the crazies,the wierdos,and the meanies...I try to steer clear and when I can't..I kill them with kindness!I had a crazy encounter today,where I suspect jealousy caused a woman to be so mean that I cannot even say the word...but it was bad..I was SO kind,left the party and invited her to my album release!

Some people are the users and abusers..I also steer clear with them but if you can create a sort of barter system and "use" each other,it sorta kinda works..

Todays blog isn't really special..but its hard to sum it all up right now..I feel like SO much has happened to me physically,emotionally and mentally in the past couple months..I've grown and lived and learned...I love only 3 people in my life..my family,friends and me(career)..and of course the supporters and fans,thank you Soooo much!!

I walked home today from a busy day of errands and stopped on my corner of my apartment and looked around and smiled so wide.FLASH!!A tourist took my pic,maybe she "knew" who I was..I was wearing the big shades and vintage fur..
I was happy,I was successful...I had arrived!

Xoxo
I believe in you,follow your dreams..and trust in yourself,the universe and karma..treat others with respect!
Alexandra

no regrets ever...

2009-03-01T19:06:00.000-08:00

I started writing this and felt compassion,thinking... That a true good person might not say all this about a person..who actually is pretty cool...I still don't like u for being a tad shady(dude) but the point is your OK..it'll b ok...I don't hate U..and I hope that u don't give up on me or your OWN dreams...actually I wish that to ALL my readers..anyways I decided to leave in what I wrote as it still holds meaning to me:

So I'm sure after some previous posts,ya'll are like "damn girls got issues"...cut me a break...doesn't everybody have issues??
I DID and I even got a reaction from it..nuff said..LoL..
Listen I don't hold grudges..I do the kanye vent and write skit for a few weeks then let it go...I'm leaving it for good...from now on NONE of you guys will have to read me whine about how much I dislike certain people..U know how I feel and I'm sure U got the point..

Anywho I woke up today and pinched myself..I was super tired,as I have been for the past 3 weeks,each night I sleep about 2-3 hours,,sleeping is for losers and I am not a loser..as I think puffy said..

I decided..like HARD core decided that there will b NO alcohol,bad foods or behavior ;)..maybe some..haha

Until the album is finished!!
Its coming out April/May and I am beside myself with happiness because I already know what awaits for me...

Anywho readers..I'm soooo
excited for the release..I'm just trying to make my dreams come true and am happy to say that I am NOT dreaming and that I am in Paper mag this month,I will b in every mag some month,and my hard work WILL pay off..the high up person at a huge label whom I befriended a while back ago told me...
That whatever I did mattered..he said "make every move count..because I believe in you...YOU are IT" he said..I still can't believe that..
I've been working sooo hard on the new album...I want it all..and ill get it all..I'm super focused...working long hours at the studio with THE best person(I heart u,for your genius)
I'm soo happy..

Please everyone reading...FOLLOW your dreams no matter WHAT..and b amazing..give your EVERYTHING(I would have given u everything dude..too bad for U)..I PROMISE that's the LAST of my venting foreverrr...

While I wrote this,I wrote off another person,,who served no purpose..He was REALLY being shady,and I said "I don't really know u,and I don't know what your motives are"he said " you seem to be on top of your game and really smart"..I said after a bunch of kiss ass msgs he sent me:"I want everything,and I don't think you can give me that so,have fun and good luck"..he sent me back"wow,GL"..this is the year of greatness...so I need only supportive,great ppl around me..

I love u guys sooo much for being there,for believing in me,for supporting me,for calling me when I was alone or scared of the dark in my apt :)
I'm sorry dude if I was too mean or hurt your feelings(u know I'm not mean)..but u were mean(whether u knew it or not) and u hurt mine..I wish U the best and a FINAL farewell..

Thank u all...I thank u from the bottom of my heart!
I am so grateful!
Xoxo
Alexandra

I FINALLY got it...

2009-02-27T14:33:00.000-08:00

Oh to try to sing a sad song about frusteration when im on top of the world is tough...it took 30 minutes of remembering bad memories and your actions(a dude) to get in the mindset I needed to sing my new ballad...when we finally got it my producer started giggling...yes giggling,he's british...he giggles when he LOVES a take that we record...so I closed my eyes,thought about some shitty shitty shit,and sang "I struggled so hard just to get to the wrong place"..only to be snapped out of my zone by giggling ...Its funny to think that I wrote this song,when things were good,and then things got really shitty...I ended some things...and now Im BACK,Im STRONGER...I can handle ANYTHING...I was sooo happy...Martha came into the studio with me the other day to listen to our progress on the new album and loved it ALL..Im so proud of my work and I cant wait to share it with all of you!

So this morning I woke up,tired and confused or maybe just a tad hungoverish(im sorry no one is perfect) and fell out of bed,pulled on my hoodie and headed over to my daily hairfix at Mudhoney(love ya Terra) Terra did my hair,acting sooo normal and hands me the newest PAPER magazine to flip through..she had it open to a specific page...I say "anything good?"

Terra:"yeah,I think you might like it" with a smirk...

AND I SCREAM...OMG its Meeeeeeeeeeeee!!!

My FIRST print picture in a magazine in the US...I have tons of press cliping etc from Finland...

and knew that someday this day would come...and it HAS!!

Im in a maggy-poo...I hope I'll be in Teen Vogue soon aswell!!

I am sooooo happy....I cannot even tell you..I cannot describe the way I feel..I am hyper....

Thank you everyone for the good,the bad and the ugly...

It all pushes me forward to succeed!!

Alexandra

ps- To see the pic and read up on my daily adventures you can add me or just go to

alexandraalexis.tumblr.com

The fear will drive me...

2009-02-26T04:54:00.000-08:00

Why does it take something crazy and traumatic to wake us up..Proust probably explained it the best,he pondered.. how much more productive would we be if we knew that we would die tomorrow or in 3 months...
That's extreme,but still something rather crazy and personally disturbing(don't worry I'm fine) has happened to me,and although I have learned to deal and "suck it up" many of times,this time its proving rather challenging..

This city will eat you up and spit you out so be prepared!

When I first got here my comfort zone was huge..I took subways and walked to auditions when I didn't have money,now I only take cabs...why?
Well its easy,fast and convenient...
So when this "thing" happened to me,it freaked me out,I woke up and I was not in control of my very calculated life...
When I post things on twitter and publicist doesn't like it,I can always erase the comment,there is no delete button on this dilemma..only a"fix it and move on" button would really help..

I didn't understand before when people "higher up" in my career chain would say ugh I hate going out the crowds,the loud music,etc
Now the only things I go out for are events,to do my carpet step and repeats,get me and my sponsors exposure and make new contacts..there really isn't drinking or dancing..every move is planned,every word I say is thought out,and yes I have different templates for talking to different people..

The other night I was out at an event,that was let's say not my cup of tea,I was so sick and tired until I realized,just because this is not the best event ever,does not mean that there aren't people I should meet,I ended up making some amazing new contacts,while I "stuck it out"...
When I pointed out this change,my friend said "you don't need to suck it up as much,because people already know who you are"..hmm..or are we both delusional...nyc is not the world and that can easily be forgotten..

Don't get me wrong,I've come such a long way since I moved back,and right now I really am enjoying "living the dream"..
I think the point is not to underestimate the power of hard work!

I'm not complaining..I'm just realizing,that you should NEVER get too comfortable,ever..
It can destroy you,and that my dears is what will separate you from the successful and the unsuccessful..

I'm going to take the subway to the studio today,I have a loooong day of recording ahead..before I meet my amazing,always in heels publicist Martha for 5 events+carpets..
My biggest dilemma today is what to wear,since I'm going out straight from the studio..
I guess that's kinda cool..

I will try harder,I will not give up,and my fav line that I ALWAYS say "I'm never gonna stop"
I love you all!
Thank you!
Alexandra

Only if he's worthy...

2009-02-24T23:43:00.000-08:00

When I'm not sure about where something is going with a guy,especially early on I rename him in my phone "only if he's worthy" to remind me that when he calls or sends me messages,its not yet certain,and if its not amazing,then he's not "worth" keeping around...

My standards grow higher and higher as I continue to succeed in personal developments..
You have to be there for me,even when I am not there for you..is one major factor..Its also important to recognize that the glistening,wondrous promises that are shown up front may not be real,OR true and may fade..

I once met a guy briefly at an event,he then continued to woo(stalk)me on facebook..painting this beautiful picture of what kind of person he was,desperate to go out with me..I finally agreed to attend a private party that he was hosting,he was SO happy I was there,he was the perfect gentleman until I saw him an hour later making out with some other girl...at that moment I thanked him and the other host for inviting me and quickly left..all those weeks of hard work from him and for what??

Its good to also recognize the things that you want,and do not want right from the start..

I once went out with this guy for a little bit,and disregarded and let go of some standards..he did not pick up the tab for our very first dinner date..that HE invited me too!!??The truth is that I don't need you to pay for EVERYTHING..but my first date rule is:you ask,you pay....I consider my time very valuable..so please don't waste it...I cut him out and didn't look back,he txted and called for weeks trying to take me out again..thinking he had "learned his lesson" I went on a 2nd date,this time only drinks..thinking maybe the recession is hitting hard,maybe he's a student,maybe money is tight but surely he can buy me 1 drink...everything goes well..at the end of the "date" he looks at me and is like" I already paid for my drink when I got here"
And I'm thinking "wow u jerk" to make matters worse NOT only is he financially stable,he is totally set..I'm talking penthouse apt,the works,meaning he is a cheap bastard..Like I said..once I get to know you,and I KNOW your not crazy,I can work with you and meet you half way but until we get to that point..you have to make an effort...

I am not letting anyone off the hook! I am not giving out my number,I am going to make it hard,so that if your still standing after all this..then MAYBE ill trust you a little bit!

Bad dates suck!And what sucks even more is that while I'm out with some dude,I could be hard at work at the studio etc...
If your not willing to hang in there,show me what your about,and meet me more than half way,sorry my career comes first,NO matter what..then you can't HACK it...
Wow good to get it off my chest..haha

Anyway Ladies do not go on bad dates,do not even go unless he makes an effort...otherwise who cares..you could be having a fabulous dinner with your best girlfriends!

Xoxo
Alexandra

Im totally on TUMBLR!!

2009-02-24T22:24:00.000-08:00

Soooo after my luv Adrien had been telling me how very important it is to follow up with"my public"...I decided to take my Tublr page a little more seriously than I had before...

So what I'll be doing from now on is posting my daily updates on what events I've attended that day,who I met etc on Tumblr and then all my deep,meaningful stuff on here...that way if all you guys wanna know is what party I attended tonight(KING magazine,look for a cameo when the album drops)or what celebs I met(Fabulous)then you can go straight there to read instead of this craziness...haha

Here u FINALLY go:

alexandraalexis.tumblr.com

I LOVE you all xoxo

Alexandra Alexis

Do you love what you see?

2009-02-22T11:16:00.000-08:00

Its a rainy sunday In new york city,its gloomy but still pretty..
I look out my window every morning when I wake up and am see the Empire State Building and am instantly reminded why am here..
The city of dreams,I came here to be a star..most of you don't know that I already was a star somewhere else before NYC,but I wanted more,SO much more,so I left my successful comfortable settings behind in Finland(I'm half finnish,and started my career there) and moved back home to NYC(where I was born and raised)and decided I wanted MTV,TRL cover of TEEN VOGUE,pop icon status and I knew that I would get it..I pinch myself everyday over this dream that is called my life..I can't believe it...
I guess the point is look around you..RIGHT NOW..do u love what you see?do you look around your office,room,apartment and smile thinking "how did get this lucky?" If you don't make a change today,this very second..what you do now already changes tomorrow!!
BE in LOVE with your life,if your not..get to work!
I believe in all of you!

Anyway just a random thought kind of blog entry as my friend is late for lunch..hahah

Xoxo
Alexandra

Happiness more than anything...

2009-02-20T17:39:00.000-08:00

I always told myself,that more than anything I wanted happiness..

Happiness for me comes in the form of my career,the people I love around me,and my music which I guess falls into career..
I went out to the TEEN VOGUE party last night and felt my dreams coming true,as I was standing on the red carpet getting blinded by the flashing lights,I realized that everything I ever wanted was in front of me..

A lot of people tell me they are envious and somehow I don't know why..in my opinion, I'm just getting started and the more I achieve,the higher my bar rises..
I will never be satisfied I'm sure,but I think being ambitious is good...

A friend of mine and I worry about the drama that surrounds us and the craziness we encounter..people have gossiped and started a fake fight between us that does not exist..this is only one of the many new adjustments that I am learning to live with,I love my life and I would trade it all for my dream,I guess I just didn't really know how hurtful some of the ordeals would be..

You live,you learn right,and I always knew that being hard core..all or nothing,with my career,was the way to go..
I want soo much for myself..I believe in myself...I want good people around me,and from now on my hard-core,all or nothing approach to my career will come with me,as I continue to keep meeting so many new people everyday..

The other night,a guy jokingly asked me,when you go on tour again,will you leave me behind...I instantly said YES...and that's when I knew..
Most of all happiness is still my motto in life..I WANT to be happy and I AM..accepting my dream,over bringing new people into my life will be a struggle..I'm naturally open and warm to people I meet,it scares me to think that I cannot do that anymore..
I hope not to become an industry robot...

UPDATES:
Let's keep it light an easy,shall we!haha
-recording the new album like there's no tomorrow and it will BLOW your minds
-hoping to be in Teen Vogue next month
-soo happy that FW is finally over,we got SO much press over it!!Check out pics on my facebook page!
-getting together my promotional tour for my new single!

I love you all and I want you to know I'm FINE,I'm just being incredibly honest..most artists are drama queens and I'm NO exception!My way of venting is writing..its all I know..and I feel better being honest about things than trying to hide them..there will be ups and downs,but my life and passionate LOVE for my career will continue on! I will not die from a broken(disappointed)heart..give me a week(haha) and a long studio session..I love knowing that my emotions right now will inevitably make me successful and complete my album..

Never be mean to others,be considerate of those brought into your life,be compassionate and honest..and learn from your mistakes!
Thank you for your emails...this too shall pass...and when it does,I will be better than before..
Your girl is still on top of the world..I am so grateful for all this and your support!

Xoxo
Alexandra

Snoop told me so...I will be fine...

2009-02-16T20:36:00.000-08:00

I've been going through a change in life...I'm going through the realization that I may never have a normal relationship again...which is okay because I'm actually in love with my career..But still,people come and go...when my ex couldn't give me all of himself I let him go,he was great,he was funny,and he was real...not only then, but every other time in the past when things didn't work, I became queen of the scene and worked even harder to reach my personal goals,I also dated someone once whom I left in a week,to move back to NYC and pursue my dream,there was no doubt in my mind,that,that was what I wanted..and he was left behind..

Why is it that when it comes to me and relationships..I'm all that matters...is it selfish or is it how I continue to move forward?

I was never one to do anything half ass..ever..I wanted the perfect single,the perfect dress,the perfect event,the perfect guy and if couldn't get it, I didn't want it at all..instead I worked SO hard until I got it ALL...what I fail to realize is that...when it comes to people,you cant make them do what you want..you can only try to find the best fit..I just cant seem to adjust...

My last singles were written about a real person who inspired the feelings in 'Walk Away" and "What I can do" it is not fiction...nor will my next album be...

I'm saddened that with all I want and need,I cannot always get what I want...so I let it go,I move on...and I work so incredibly hard to prove everybody wrong,and to show myself that I can control my life and make my dreams come true...which I still continue to do...

My only fear is,will I be alone as I am surrounded by people...?

My publicist told me that my blogs were hitting home pretty hard and that I might want to consider leaving some things out...

As I once again am in the midst of leaving someone I cared about behind...my publicist brought up an interesting fact, she said, that in any given amount of time..I will be on tour,be at events,be working,and be SO busy that there's no way..anyone will be able to handle it and that I'll have to say "what am I supposed to do,this is my career" as I am now being probably unreasonable and upset because the person that I want be with,cannot be with me...I also too must understand that if it was the other way around...as it soon will be,I would never compromise,because this is my LIFE...and I've never compromised before...

I always pictured,even as a little girl,that I would fly my friends and boyfriend out with me on tour and that my loved ones would all just be there and share my dream with me...I still hope that that will happen...but I fear that the boyfriends will stay behind,as the schedule and lifestyle will be too much to handle...

I don't want to compromise...is that bad?

Im very very big on signs,dreams and ideas...I KNOW that they mean something... so to end this interesting and heart pouring story...I had a dream last night...Me and Snoop dog were hanging out in a car, that was taking us to our soundcheck...we were performing together in the same city in Europe(I was his opening act) I was in the car and sang him a lyric that had been playing in my head for a new song that Im thinking of doing..he listened and said "thats dope,I like it"

and I was like yeah its pretty fun...he told me to work on the idea...We got to our soundcheck and he saw I was feeling bummed out..It was like my dream was actually real,and the emotions from that day stayed with me...he leaned down to give me a hug,and said "babygirl its okay" and continued to say "wow,you have amazing energy,you will be fine"

I woke up(broke up) wrote down my lyric quick..and could not believe it...

I was sad yet so hopeful because I KNEW that I'd be fine...and that sooner than later my only worries and fears would be,how on earth I'd play all the cities I wanted to,how I would make time to see the ones I loved,how tired I would be from living my life...

But ultimately my final arrival and realization..that I made my choice,I'm sticking to it...and I LOVE my life...if someone can't love it with me,it'll have to be their loss..I'm sorry...

I love you all,thank you for supporting me,thank you for loving me back,and thank you for being there...thank you SO incredibly much for believing in me...

XoXo

Alexandra

Was this a waste of time?

2009-02-13T10:10:00.000-08:00

Are bad relationships a waste of time,are some people we meet a waste of time,its a question that I am sure everyone struggles with,would you be better off in life,if you didn't encounter those awful heartbreaking scenarios? I am not sure,I get great song material out of it..but I also question even more than before the POINT of evening getting into it...I had this conversation with a guy by the fire place at the Bowery hotel last night,I was at an event and he was like my stuff doesn't work,and Im like yeah me neither,my non-working stuff just officially failed...

I am ten million times more productive when Im single...I think my mind-set gets hard core because then even more I think,I not ONLY want to be amazing and successful at what I do for ME,but I want YOU who walked away(theres a few of you ass-holes out there,you know who you are)to turn on MTV and be like shit,I like could have been with HER..And you better believe that day will come...Im trying not to unleash the crazy(haha)on you innocent readers who just read this as an update on music,etc but this had to come out...Believe me the next album will be killer,and for that, thank you ass-holes for inspiring that beautiful creation...

So I guess the lesson learned is,live life to the very fullest...

AND TO RECAP:

Life is blooming and I am truly enjoying myself.I met Ryan Leslie 2 nights in a row,he is soo nice and I hope to work with him in the future,Met Solange who is sooo sweet,and have just been meeting tons of new people,and promoting the crap out of myself and my music,getting all my sponsors great coverage...

Fashion Week has been and will be madness for me and Im along for this amazing ride that is my life..I have to pinch myself because I sometimes cant even believe it :)

Breathe in Ahhhhhh...

And to all my supporters THANK YOU,I love you all!

XoXo

Alexandra

Times will change but MY song will stay the same..

2009-02-10T00:03:00.000-08:00

I have a song,as Im sure you do aswell...Its a song that you've known and loved forever,you have heard it 5 years ago at some crazy club and its made you smile,you've heard it at home on the radio and its comforted you through tough times...and then maybe months or years later you hear it again...and once more your life has changed allover again...and all the past times of hearing that song,the good, and the bad, are long gone and have passed you by....

I have been having a nervous breakdown recently,I throw this phrase around pretty lightly,,,but still,everyones problems are important to them...sooo anyway I wont elaborate on what specifically but lets say the pressures of stardom meets relationships..I have been upset for the majority of the day and at times during this week..Im scared to record my new ballad at the studio for fear that it will push me over the edge,and I will burst into tears as I sing it with a very confused looking studio engineer...either thinking Im a commited artist or just plain crazy...soo as I stride on with my life trying to hold my head high,as I navigate myself through this sea of struggles,I forced myself to go out tonight,,,I REALLY didnt want to...I WANTED to pass out at home from 2 tylenol pms...realizing that this may be a problem...I say NO,get dressed and go out with my lovely friends who have been begging me to join in on the fun with them at their monday night dance spot..so I finally go and Im not gonna say that I had the time of my life...But just as I was getting frusterated,a)from seeing a not so nice ex,b)happy couples caught up in lovey dovey land,as I am not and c)from not being drunk with everybody(Im off alcohol)..MY song comes on...to remind me that this too shall pass...as my life continues on..MY song is there to show me that...where I am now,is not where I will be in a week,month or year,its here to show me that when I first heard it I was at a completely different place in life,dreaming of the life I have today,,,and as I danced and mentally recapped the years that had passed by with MY song,I KNEW that the next time I heard it in some random encounter,I would be better,happy and more successful than I am today...and that whatever sadness and troubles I have now,will be long gone...

I walked home...and erased all the numbers of people that recently made me feel bad..I started doing that when I started noticing that some people were not what they seemed..it felt better to nip it in the bud right away..Right now Im home and I feel better than when I left the house...

I actually feel the heavy weight off my chest has lifted,I will not cry or feel bad about my experiences, I WILL write some kick-ass songs though...and maybe one day my new song can actually be one of my OWN songs...

Love you all,Goodnight

Alexandra

OOhh they serve Champagne at Sombraro's...

2009-02-04T17:16:00.000-08:00

Adrien Field does not do fast food joints,except Mc Donalds(sorry Adrien) so when we had to kill time in between events with Martha,my publicist and Jerrit our friend and photographer for Wire Image..we went to Sbarro's...We all died laughing as Adrien boldly claimed Sombraro's has champagne,I cheered with delight,suddenly realizing that I myself apparently never knew the fast food chains proper name either...We had our champagne and continued on to dance the night away..

Just another night in the life that surrounds me...

With Fashion Week around the corner Im in a flurry of visiting showrooms,getting my outfits together,and organizing my calendar of shows,events,parties,and afterparties..Ive already accepted that there will be no sleep in this happy new holiday we like to celebrate called Fashion Week! I couldn't be MORE excited...Its a chance to play dress up for 2 weeks with my trusty publicist Martha and arm candy(hihii) Adrien!

Even though my life has been crazy,Im happy to say that I am plopped on my bed writing this as you read this in a cute flannel shirt and leggings...believe me its not as frumpy as it sounds :) haha,Don't worry you'll see me in plenty of fab outfits this season ;)...You'll see me in more vintage than usual,lots of KLS pieces..Maybe some Charlotte Ronson in the mix,and of course the ever so fabulous touches of flair from Calvin Klein,The Hat Shop and Andrew Marc..

Im also hopping that another special person decides to join me during my fashion week festivities...nuff said...just thinking "out loud"...

This all brings me to the fact of Be in the NOW,embrace whats in front of you right now and enjoy it because NOW is all you have..I cant stress how important this is..

I try to catch myself whenever I start to worry or wonder too much about the future,I ask myself If Im happy with how things in my life are..and if I would change a thing up until now..and If I dont,I just smile and take it all in...

Theres always going to be less than perfect situations...I wish I saw my friends more,but I LOVE the people I work with,and when I do get a chance to see the people I love,I truly enjoy it and take it all in...and who knows...you never know what the future will bring..

My dear friend is moving to NYC and I couldn't be happier..I hope that more of these sorts of surprises are around the corner...

Sometimes the Now-ness thing is difficult,it was my dear friends Birthday today and I had to decline from going out to celebrate..even though I was out last night, that was work..networking is WORK...Its hard explaining this to people you love..and it breaks my heart not to be able to go :( But this is my only official day of rest via tylenol pms before my crazy rollercoaster starts..

I finally realize that Im where I want to be even with the ups and downs,the distances,the struggle..Im happy,and Im happy to have amazing people in my life,Im happy to have you who is reading this in my life!And who knows what the future holds...so hold on to those you love...

Thank you for the support!

Alexandra

Defining Moments..

2009-01-21T09:43:00.000-08:00

"Your Alexandra Alexis,right?" This happens to me every day now..Im confused every time it happens..Its everything I ever wanted..hmm...
I was at a party yesterday and people I didn't know were smiling and looking at me and some coming over to say hi...
Its an interesting sensation..I have a new album coming out,a full length,Im talking amazingnessx12 album coming out March(if we work fast) or May(if we have kinks along the way) But its a HUGE step for me and Im in love with my life...I am working with producers that I truly respect and am so grateful that they would even give me the time of day..Im being super honest with this one...Anyway I am also sooo excited about the upcoming Fashion Week and the general progression in my career but also my life...it IS truly a time for change...
I surprise myself as days pass and I realize that everyone in my life is SUPPOSED to be there...I dropped EVERYONE and I mean EVERYONE toxic from my life,and it really hurt because some of those people I had grown to love and was very close to but now looking back it was the right choice..Im so much happier..all my relationships are stable..better than stable,secure and honest..and I dont think I've ever had that...
I am infatuated..I hope it doesn't sound too lame..but its the truth and life is smiling at me...

xoxo
Alexandra

Good morning Finland!

2009-01-08T12:17:00.000-08:00

Good morning it certainly is,yesterday I woke up at 2am to go into hair and makeup for my 7.40 am interview with Good Morning Finland! I couldn't believe I was sitting on a couch that I had so many times before seen on TV...waiting in the green room to go on set,all I could think of was I cant wait to be on Regis and Kelly or The View or one of my big faves Conan O Brien :)

The interview went very smoothly and Im super happy with it all! Tomorrow my interview with Metro Magazine comes out and a million more people will soon know my name...very strange..

I am having a blast being in Helsinki and Im happy that today I actually had a day to myslef(almost) and my bff...Tomorrow I have a crazy day ahead of me and Cassidy flies in,we have interviews,soundchecks,and the show around midnight! Ill keep you all posted...oh and..an interview with ROCK Radio the biggest rock radio station out here...I fear the worst...

Will fill you in later..

xoxo

Alexandra

New Year New Me...

2009-01-02T14:35:00.000-08:00

So its 2009,now what..well I'll tell you a whole LOT...I am suprised at myself for keeping my New Years resolutions..I think Im keeping them well because I started before we turned a leaf to 2009..

I went to my wonderful gym..The David Barton Gym,and got on a health kick,mainly because I have to for my tour,but secondly because I have not gone in way too long of a time,and its really just going to waste...

I took a head start with completing ideas work wise and quickly jumped up from bed,even though I wasn't feeling all that peachy New years day...grabbed my laptop and started working on the proposal for the fabulous party that my dear friend Adrien Field and I will be throwing to launch Fashion Week...

I am now exhausted but invigorated that things are moving along rather quickly and I've received lots of promising offers,emails,and can run on the treadmill for a solid 45minutes..

The point in all this is OWN your power...and make things happen...its all YOU...

So to recap this amazing year:

I've met some incredible people..made a ton of new friends,and have even met someone special who shares my goals and passions in life,wow that sounds nuts but I guess Im just being honest...anyway this chickee is still free as a bird,but I guess Im just trying to say that I've met new wonderful people who ground me and fulfill this wonderful life I lead...

Thank you everyone for supporting me and helping me reach my goals...

and a special thank you to those I love, who say that their New Year's resolution is to "Make me a star"...

xoxo

Alexandra

Time flies...

2008-12-29T08:42:00.000-08:00

Im listening to the song Time Flies by Lykke Li on the bus ride back from my country house in PA,and in the span of 3 minutes and 21 seconds I have envisioned my whole new album's theme and look...its beautiful,whimsical and magic...just like me...and real..and truthful...I cant wait to record...

I can see it all in my head...Time flies...

I can't believe were working on album number 2 or 3 depending on how far were counting...:)

I feel soo lucky and blessed,its an incredible feeling when you realize that ALL your dreams are coming true and your just enjoying the ride..I'm where I want to be and am so excited for what the future will bring me...

I'm going to Finland January 5th and will be doing photo shoots,interviews,and of course a big show with Cassidy..

One interview in particular is for Good Morning Finland which is viewed by over 1 million viewers..and I hear a particular question they will ask is "Why do you think you've made it this far,and why do you think you'll succeed in America"

I need practise answering this question,so I'm going to answer it now for all of you,since I received numerous emails from you guys asking the same thing...

I have a huge.... I mean HUGE belief in myself and my ability to succeed...I am my number 1 fan,and I understand that life does not happen TO you,its something that YOU create..

Once I realized that at the age of 15,I began to understand how everything I thought,said and did affected my LIFE..I began to get everything I ever wished for,and still do...Im NOT the most talented singer,dancer or actor out there... Im talented enough and can learn anything with practice,charismatic,and smart...

I KNOW(awareness) and have nothing but faith(not hope)but a knowledge that this is simply what Im supposed to do and that there are no other options..

I wake up with a smile on my face every morning and am truly happy to be here...

xoxo

Alexandra

I wont single you out..but you wrote me an email...please don't be bitter...Remember that you CHOOSE your fate..I hope you find your happiness...

There is a purpose...

2008-12-20T19:28:00.000-08:00

A lot of my friends of mine have been dealing with STUFF,I mean heavy stuff...the economy, life,baggage, and issues...

I always say that you can't undermine anyone's issues because everyone's problems are big to THEM..the key I think is how you handle that problem..do you get crazy,scream,shout?or maybe you like to runaway,drink like a fish and bury it into the ground where you can forget about it...Or maybe your BRAVE and you face it,and take it like a man(or woman) because in reality the problem is as big as you make it...refuse to dwell and instead offer up a solution...you'll be able to sleep again once you do...

I've met ALOT of people,and I always recognize fighters from the weak,and sadly those who will "make it" and those who never will :(

The people who do are the ones you let NOTHING stop them..A friend of mine said to me "If someone said no to you,you'd probably take it with a smile on your face and just think of something else,until you got a YES" and honestly thats the type of thinking thats kept me succeeding..

Im not trying to be preechy,but there IS a purpose for your life and its your job to find it,then execute..dont ever let ANYTHING keep you from living your dreams,and being happy..

Just tonight I had dinner(french fries at our local bar hangout) with 2 very good pals of mine,I spent my food money for the rest of the week on beauty..I figure someone will feed me as long as I look nice :) Anyway...we talked about how someday very soon all 3 of us would be very rich and famous...but we wont be happier...because we already having such a great time...ENJOY this time and always embrace good times...even if its just with good friends eating bar food..

I hope this inspires some of you out there,to get up,make a move,RIGHT now...even if its just making a phone call in the right direction,sending an email,or simply thinking up exactly what you want and writing it down...When you wake up things will have changed...tomorrow is a new day...

BE hAPPY...HAppy HoliDAys

Alexandra

I take it all back...

2008-12-11T23:12:00.001-08:00

It was a sunny day in Times Square,when I got proved wrong..all that I KNEW to be true,turned around in this crazy way...actually very naturally might I add, without me having to try...

All I've learned I guess is that when its right...you know...and fyi nothing major has happened,its still me,and I have nothing to report(except tons of fun projects,in the next blog)...I just had to share this with you all...

Follow your dreams,follow your heart,keep your eyes wide open for opportunity and good things will come find you...

xoxo

Alexandra

"They hear me but their really not listening..."

2008-12-03T20:07:00.000-08:00

Wow I just watched the Britney Spears documentary and I feel so much for her,...Im saying that as a person not as a fan..I thought it funny that some, and even most of the things she said were completely relatable..

My favorite line was "they hear me but their not really listening" its something that has become so current and everyday that it sometimes scares me how true this line is...If you are lucky enough to have people around you that listen to what you say,then you should consider yourself happy,imagine going somewhere and everyone tells you the same thing ,they tell you what THEY think,you want to hear,and then you realize,that wait...this person just said what that person just said...how can it be an original thought? Then you start connecting the dots...you are only as special as they want you to be...and its crazy...how Ive come to notice this(this soon)...I am so cautious with who I give my time to and its crazy that even people I "trust"...have not REALLY been there...

I think the key to finding good people is to hold on to those who have been there from the start..and unfortunately shut others out until they prove themselves worthy of your time...

Even with all that I've just scene on the documentary and all the thoughts that have come out,so honestly might I add...I STILL want it more than ever..I want it all...the good,the bad and most of all Happiness...

Thank you good people in my life!

Alexandra

Relief comes with change!

2008-12-02T08:41:00.000-08:00

Last night I had a dream,that I moved to some luxury apartment building overlooking the ocean.The apartment was beautiful,exquisite...perfect,It had a huge bathroom with all the fixings,sauna,jacuzzi...amazingness...heaven...My parents were sitting in the moving van,and I looked at them and said "I cant help but think how lonely I'll be"..."isolated"...

In the dream I had moved away from the apartment I currently live in..and missed it sooo much...I LOVE my home,the quirks,the unique elevated bathtub in the bathroom..my view of the empire state building from my bed...the squeaky floorboards lol...

Oh and I forgot to mention one thing,a person,a guy I haven't thought about in a looong time was in it,and he finally said goodbye and it was okay...and I was relieved when I woke up because I was still in MY apartment but also because he wasn't here...

Hmmm...I felt compelled to share this with all of you,More than ever I feel as though my life is exactly where it should be and Im soo happy with how everything is! I am me,and Im happy and I guess the truth is that I am a little anxious about how lonely it may be at the top,but Im okay with that...the people that I love will be there regardless and the others will say goodbye...

Goodnight all,and thank you always for the support

Alexandra

The Sure Way To Predict The Future Is To Invent It!

2008-11-30T17:20:00.000-08:00

Hello again all! Im sooo cheesy,last night I ordered Chinese food which wasn't even good...BUT the only positive thing I DID get(and this never happens)was a COOL fortune...

"The sure way to predict the future is to invent it" said the cookie...and I thought wow...So simple and so powerful...The reason I believe to mention this quote is because some of yo out there don't KNOW that yet or your thinking I don't believe in that spiritual hoohaa..but Im telling you that believing and knowing that what that cookie told me is the truth...Anyway story time...

By believing in this very motto I scored another amazing show with Cassidy!

Last summer I did a crazy amazing show for a Festival called Pipefest in Finland! DMX was supposed to be the main act of that Festival,and for unfortunate reasons he suddenly could not make it,and in one days notice Cassidy was booked for the show instead! I flew out there and met up with my friend before the show...We were going to go on first(my pal was the DJ) and then Cassidy and his crew..after our show it was insanely hectic and Cassidy's Dj started setting up his gear on-stage...they were rushing us off stage and for a second I though to myself I may NEVER get an opportunity to meet these people again,it would be nice to at least introduce myself,another thought popped in my mind,what if saying hi changes my life...Yes I KNOW that sounds extreme but my number one motto is "one phone call can change your life"so I went up said hello,and Dj Thoro(Cassidy's dj) was very cool,and gave me his number and told me to call him when I was back in NYC..The day after I got back to NYC,I picked up phone gave him a call,and an hour later I was sitting in the studio with Thoro and Cassidy,we've known eachother ever since,and are doing another show together again in January! :)

Anyway always believe in yourselves and I hope this inspires you to go forward with whatever your doing :)

Keep sending emails,I love reading email from you guys!

alexandra@grindmusic.net

I am thankful

2008-11-27T09:30:00.000-08:00

Its Thanksgiving and although we may be going through tough times I feel that it is important today to remember our success,our lessons and our inspirations in our lives! Its important to make the most of what we've got and not belittle certain aspects no matter how small or insignificant they may seem! I often seem to forget to be happy for the things that I'm lucky to have in my life and sometimes even feel like a failure when a "perfect night" doesn't turn out that way,or a situation doesn't unfold as I predicted it to! So instead of focusing on the negative which I very rarely do,I'm going to pay extra special attention to the positive...

If you would have told me a year ago,or even 6 months ago that I would be where I am,I would have been shocked,delighted,ecstatic and delirious! Yet now that I'm here I'm already worrying about what's next instead of enjoying the moment,so ahhh here I am..and believe me when I say,I AM grateful,I AM truly happy!
I feel loved by my wonderful neighborhood in soho,its a community of real people(believe it or not)who lend each other a hand and help each other out!I am grateful for the amazing designers and sponsors who are happy to give me beautiful clothing and let me represent their brands!I am happy for the amazing hair and makeup people who make me beautiful and transform me into who I am,who work hard till 3am until the look is "flawless"(jose hamilton) or "so gorgeous" Terra at Mudhoney!
I love these people! I love my supporters and friends,Martha,my publicist who always believes in me and says "its all happening" ....and I'm so happy grateful that it really is! and of course my bestest friends,my mom and all the new friends I continue to meet along the way! I am so extremely excited for what the future brings! Continue to treasure and love what you have already and continue to hold the truest hopes and wishes for your dreams and for yourselves!
Xoxo
Alexandra
Happy Holidays

Tacky and stupid...

2008-11-17T22:35:00.001-08:00

"Um no thanks" was what I was thinking,as I stared at him from across the table...Do you know when you experience or see something that you SO dont want,and even though your face reads calm your mind says "Um No Thanks"...and you let go and you feel nothing but relief...OMG I can breathe again is exactly how I felt...

The worst date of my life was over and I guess, it was naive of me to think that it was over after my teen years but no...I was so wrong and felt like a fog had lifted from someone that I thought was normal...anyway no need to elaborate more..I always say "Be YOU,be Happy and be Classy"....Do you, but keep your self worth intact and Im wirting this mainly because I let someone walk over me and NOT treat me like a lady...Im SO over this...BUT what Im more than happy about is that,my new,amazing and lovely friend has taken me in and has showed that her colors are true and genuine...maybe that was the POINT of this POINTLESS experience...sorry guys that I have nothing more meaningful to say tonight its simply a rant...Im over,done, and have moved on in 60 seconds...things were all good 2 weeks BC(make your own abbreviation determination a la Samantha Jones) and now Im more than over, ready to focus on ME..Ladies PLEASE remember to be mindful and knowing of the people you share YOUR time with!

xoxox

Alexandra

Believe in yourselves!

2008-11-04T21:46:00.000-08:00

However long my road is,its nothing compared to those who have lost hope,faith and belief in themselves and their world.

Today I met a man who had seen despair and lost his spirit, he told me that he had given up his life long dream of being a musician and had finally "grown up" and gotten a "real job", I was not only in disbelief but also just amazed with his perspective, I asked him "why wouldn't you follow your path?" and he said well the recession, and this and that etc...and I said "you bring whatever you create"...He thought I was nuts...and I in turn felt so overwhelmed by his negative attitude that I wasn't even able to stand around him for fear that his emotions were contagious...

I remember times when people thought I was crazy, when I said I "wanted to be the biggest star ever" well Im not quite there yet, but I know in my BONES that I'm well on my way...About a week ago I had dinner with my FAVORITE female artists tour manager and he told me that my drive was amazing and that I was making moves,I felt amazed that he could see my passion...

I remember thinking to myself years ago, that I HOPE to be where she(my fav artist) is one day and be that insanely busy doing what I love..

As I am writing this Obama has just won the election and is the first black president of the United States Of America and Im so happy that Im crying because to me it does not only mean that change is ahead in the general sense..To me personally it means that if someone can achieve such greatness against so many odds...In this case being the first black president of the USA,it means that my dream is not THAT impossible...haha :)

I am happy about the change to come,I am happy about the days ahead of me and my flourishing career and I am happy that I,... unlike that one gentleman,have not lost hope...still continue to believe in myself...and KNOW........ that I can achieve greatness..

YES I CAN!

Believe in yourselves and always do what truly makes you happy no matter what anyone else says!

Alexandra

It is time to change...

2008-10-23T20:07:00.000-07:00

Do you have to be drunk,high or in an altered state to have fun?Its the eternal question that most of ask ourselves! I have not had a drink in 6 days..to some people it might sound like nothing but in my world where drinks are offered at every occasion after noon...Its sometimes hard to turn down a cocktail in an event at the end of the day...

There are also many different sides to this story...one of them I like to call "serious mode" as I like to call it... when all you do is sleep,eat, and work..and there is rarely room for drinks,parties or even sex..

Now for me to function I need all of these elements on a daily basis(almost at least)...haha

I notice that when I am missing from the scene for longer than a few days I am missed.

When I am gone for a longer stretch I am forgotten(GASP)..My worst fear...As Kurt said it"its better to burn out than fade away" Isn't this so true though?

However its hard to go out and run around all day without some way of unwinding...I think I'll be okay...It's funny how when you upgrade one part of your life everything else changes too...like when you move into a bigger apartment or home,your bills go up,there is more to clean,and more things to be ontop of...

I am changing,lets call it evolving and I am going to be changing elements in my life...Im going to go to the gym on a regular basis and upgrade my body and health,Im going to practice more,Im going to stop procrastinating(must get new business cards)...and maybe IF there's time...go on more dates...because Ive noticed that this chicky ain't getting any younger ;)

So instead of saying "No Im kinda busy right now"..I'll actually except date offers"..OH and I almost forgot...my worst fear ever..Im getting a part time job...eeek....

"I ONLY work for me"is the mantra that has dictated my life since I quit my first ever after school job in a clothing store,when I realized that I was not made to fold T-shirts and take orders...Nothing against it but its not for me...Now don't get too crazy excited(cuz Im not) it'll have to be a very "part time" sorta job lets call it... a hardly-almost-half-of-a-part time kinda job...And it has to be something that wont drive me crazy,yes in this time of recession I will need to suck it up...My expenses that support my superstar lifestyle are kicking my tooshie...

EVEN my most fabulous gay friend said he would be job hunting this weekend,and this party boy does NOT work,or lift a finger...Wow I guess the economy really is bad..haha

My last promise that scares me..is:I will cut back on drinking..I am NOT a heavy drinker but I have a few drinks each night...I realized that even this MAY be too much..It also doesnt help that one of my hangouts is located right under my building,open till 4am and always has it going on...So even without all the drinks and late nights,I believe that I will always be the life of the party.....besides could YOU imagine ME slowing down?....didn't think so...haha

So even though New year's resolutions are a few months away..Im making some changes now..My favorite line in Madonna's documentary(Im going to tell you a secret)

She says "I need to change" But how can I change?" and she says the only we we can change is to keep learning and growing...

So to all: look out for the new changes,music,pics,shows and BIG surprise for my fans in Europe coming up after the holidays...YOU will be surprised.........PLEASANTLY!

Stay clear Stay focused Stay true to who you are!

Alexandra

Friend or Foe?

2008-10-20T16:59:00.000-07:00

I'm a strong judge of character and it saddens me when people in my life turn out to be not what I expected..I have phased out some new people,which hopefully means some new hopefuls will step in..and not hurt me...

Its okay...

I'm sitting at my table at home writing this as I stare at this insane bouquet in front of me that I have received anonymously from either a new admirer or an old long gone acquaintance hoping to get back in....It didn't come with a card or any information so looking at it seems to make me slightly nervous...

My home is literally cold as it is mid October and my heating in my building hasn't been turned on yet..I'm soo happy that an old friend is here visiting,its nice knowing someones here before I fall asleep and when I wake up..only until Wednesday though...which after I'll freak out for a day and then get back to normal,as I await Perez Hilton's fab party that I'm attending on Friday!

Last Thursday I attended probably the best party ever after Kimora's Baby Phat Fashion show after party at the Plaza...She said I looked lovely that I night,I ROCKED out this sick ostrich feather dress that she was kind enough to lend me from her KLS line :)

Anyway the party had a big red carpet with lots of press and I was impressed to see that the press is learning my name and are beginning to automatically recognise me instead of scratching their heads and saying" who is that?"...haha... I've come a long way since last year...and I'm really happy even though some people are trying to bring me down...I cut them off as soon as I notice that...Before getting on the carpet about 10 people leached on to me asking me to get them in,I only knew half of them and thought to myself "this is crazy"...

When the girl at the door asked "are all of them in your party" I looked at Martha(my publicist) nervously and said "I don't know what to do" ...I never want to be the bad guy and I'm never mean so she had to tell a couple of them that they would NOT be joining us...

So there you go folks,drama is not only reserved for "The Hills"...

Does anybody else do this?....I either erase them or rename them with clever catch phrases in my phone as a reminder as to why they not in my life...my latest entries include:flake,nobody,and not unless he's worthy(my fav)....

I worked with "Flake" but because of his extreme tardiness he has been let go...

"Nobody" has decided to act like a child and I am not a babysitter..

"Not unless he's worthy" is a little self obsessed and probably not good for me...

Its sad when things end and my phone keeps taunting me as I feel that every time I look over at the blinking red light,I secretly wish it is one of the above trying to make an effort and get in touch..Only to find that I am flooded with party confirmations and emails about music,work etc...

It was my best friends bday a few days ago and hearing her voice made me sad because she does not live in NYC,so it a long distance friendship :(

I'm hoping that the near future wont include new nobodies and flakes...

Stayed tuned...that's it for now....

Keep good friends close

Alexandra

21 years down with many more to come...

2008-10-10T15:13:00.000-07:00

Its the prettiest day in October and it happens to be my birthday,it was warm and sunny and perfect and I felt so happy to look back on my 21 years of life,and past year of being back in NYC and seeing how far I've come! I am now 22 and I don't know if its where I saw myself being at 22 but its definitely not a bad place to be,I feel happy and grateful...

Me and one of my best friends Ramo went to this seminar that another friend put together about "solving your problems" by being a certain way,because as I have always believed "you create your day,and anything can happen"...well the funny thing is we went just to give it a whirl,and I think the leader of the group almost disliked us because we had no problems to be solved and we weren't mentally in a bad place,were both excited about life and enthusiastic every day...

Even now as I sit here on the edge of my bed I look out and see the sun setting on the Empire State building and feel so lucky to even see that view not only from my bed but from my apartment!

When I walk out on the city streets of Soho I feel as though I am in a dreamland or set of a movie...its insane and it puts a smile on my face EVERY single day...

So here are my wishes for my year as a 22 year old woman to come, I want to be the best that I can be with my career and I want to reach super stardom and book a world tour...always say what you wish,and always mean what you say...you'll be surprised where that will take you....

Alexandra

Thoughts,feelings and inked wrists..

2008-09-28T20:10:00.000-07:00

I hung it up on my wall and stared into her eyes,young and un-knowing of her fate..a black and white picture of me at 2 in my first model comp card...Whenever I listen to Greg Laswell I get incredibly sad,a wave of emotion comes over me and I feel like Im about to cry but I never do,I envy that ability to make people FEEL and hope that my new material will cause a reaction in people,and make them feel something...Today I gave away music biz advice which I am very good at giving,and I was telling a band that I didnt like their promo shots and that they caused no reaction,and here I am now looking at my new promo shots that I just received and I feel nothing,and I am sitting here wondering what am I trying to say, as I stare at myself in the photos....I talked to my mom about my worries about trying to be better than before,and I wished that she was here and not living in Europe...Right now I just wanted someone to hold my hand,I thought I didn't but I do...A few days ago someone held my hand and it felt really nice...I'll probably change my mind tomorrow but right now as I stare into the fog,even the Empire state building has disappeared and I feel just as lost...

Its temporary and I know that If I work all night on my emails,ideas and prospects for next week,Ill wake up a better person...They say that the images on your walls reflect who you are,so I hang up a couple more favorite pics and take a deep breathe...I look down at my wrists and they are all gray...every night I get a couple different event and club stamps on them and they accumulate like wounds and dont come off right away...the stars on my wrists always fade so Im thinking of getting a star tattooed,to remind me that my star will not fade...

My phone rings and a celebrity artist friend is calling.. to my suprise he says "we need shows,can we do something together in Europe"...My sadness diminishes and I take a breathe of relief that this multi-platinum artist is asking ME for help,the fog clears and I can see the lights again from the Empire state building...I can see clearly again...and tomorrow I will be better...

Alexandra

2008-09-27T10:52:00.000-07:00

Mirror,mirror on the wall who's the fairest of them all?

2008-09-18T21:37:00.000-07:00

They say that superstars have the highest levels of narcissism,it was proven when there was a study where they had normal people and a group of celebrities take the same personality traits test..Some may say celebrities are self absorbed,well I say: with all reason...The more red carpets I hit, the more I find myself glancing at my reflection in stores windows before I reach my destination, and please don't hate me for saying that...I'm sure there is a handful of people reading this who have done this before...When the pictures of me come out,I critique them...how is my hair,how skinny do I look,am I smiling the right way,is my pose flattering with my outfit...these are the things that I wonder about...

After seeing the difference in attention I receive from media,people,the opposite sex,and admirers I am forced to react a certain way...When I wear jeans yet look stylish and pulled together,its okay ,When I show up in a drop dead dress,hair, makeup, and killer heels...people photograph more,compliment more and generally love me more...Its sad but true...And I don't know what is the culprit or who is to blame...But now because of this I have my hair and makeup applied professionally before each and every event,I also practise posing in my outfit to make sure I get photographed at the best possible angles...

Narcissists are said to live lives of grandiosity,that they build around for themselves...or is it the people around them who build these castles for them...My inbox is full,my blackberry beeps, and I am addicted..every time I get a comment on facebook,it comes straight to my phone,I read it and a smile appears on my face as I read the many "you look amazing" comments..

I am NOT complaining, I choose what I do and I LOVE what I do...I love my mom,my friends and my career...I am "in love" with no one except me(as an artist) I wake up,smile,work,and look amazing...

I met an actress quite recently that I ADORE at an event and had a smashing time talking with her...She told me "Don't you hate it when all you want to do is grab a coffee from your local deli in the morning but you cant leave the house until your looking great because the paparazzi will hound you...gosh sometimes I wish I could just go in my PJ's" she sighed....Even though my success stateside has not blown up to the point of being ridiculed by paparazzi, I knew exactly how she felt...My neighborhood is "chic" so to say, and everyone here from my deli,to the shop owners and neighbors know who I am and what I do, the bar has been set high...and even now as I am home sick,I am scared to leave the house...I brave the world after a day, and pop on my huge black, cant see anything through them shades,tie my hair in a bun,put on my chicest "casual clothes" and race downstairs and back up with food,juice and meds to last me another day...

As I am home bored, and have nothing to do but be sick,I find myself googling my name and discovering new articles,pics on me....If you don't want to become completely full of yourself..a tip from me to you...don't go to the mecca of self absorption famegame.com...A website that measures your status and "fame" in the same way you see the stock market rise and fall...Even I am registered on their page..I find it interesting that I have enough "status" to be registered by them on their site...

I hope that all of you reading this don't think I'm a crazed,self-absorbed woman,I'm NOT, I am a regular all American woman living in the world created for her...

As long as things continue this way.....in my perfect world I will stay,I will look amazing,will Google(you do it too)and will love hearing my name called on the red carpet...

Don't hate me cuz I'm beautiful...

Sarcastically

Alexandra

We stand together...

2008-09-16T16:32:00.000-07:00

I was walking to McDonalds...to get a milkshake the other night with the 3 dollars I had in my pocket...As I was walking back home, I was talking on my cell to my pal about being bummed out and bored, which is a feeling that amazes me in NYC,seeing as there is SO much to do here,however sometimes thats how the cookie crumbles... So I'm walking to my door as I pass the neighborhood bar and I peek in to see if there are familiar faces(sometimes good,sometimes bad) and I see the good kind(phew) and go in and say hi to some people who I adore, and they sit me down and demand I join them for dinner as they see me holding my wimpy milkshake...After a big dinner and drinks and some pool, Im smiling again,realizing that people will always be there for me...which is this amazing feeling that you get in NYC ALL the time...its a wierd dynamic...maybe its because everyone here is trying to survive so they figure its a good idea to help someone else out, because god knows when they'll need help themself...you know?...This happens to me constantly...even now while I am writing this I have received 32 messages and comments from people and friends wishing me to get well soon after I changed my status to sick on facebook...It made me smile and I feel a little bit better and as though we all stand together..

Remember others,always be honest and always remember that we are all apart of one another...AND never judge people until you know who they are...If I would have known this earlier I would have avoided one heartbreak with one person and gained a friendship with another much sooner...sometimes we judge books by the cover or follow others judgement's ...

Judge what you know...

Alexandra

Dwell and you shall fall...

2008-09-10T22:38:00.000-07:00

This is my own advice,Im not freaking out but Im close,then again Im trying to put perspective on this day/evening...I had an amazing day but Im probably spoiled by my options, and things that are available to me..... so sometimes I choose to become upset because certain things are not at my disposla the second I want them...and I can either choose to get upset or not...I could also just wake up and be happy with what I have,which is happiness, health and general well being...Oh yeah my success does not hurt either,there is no normal reason that I should be unhappy just the superficial reason we create inside our minds of the things we think we should have...So in reality as long as I have a safe place to call home, I should be happy...Today I met the happiest couple in the world and usually I hate cutesy couples....but today I did not...I actually thought wow you guys are happy with what you have,they walked into the bar I was at and the girl showed up with 2 huge bouquets of flowers and I asked wow whats that for,and she said "every wednesday he buys me flowers" Who does that I thought....and then I thought wow maybe my worries are for nothing...Maybe, just maybe people are not judging me.....with every move I make as strongly as I assume they are placing their judgement...I mean I know Im under a microscope but maybe I can still breathe for a little bit...maybe there are more important things such as happiness...So tonight Im going to think about things like breathing and not freaking out that I hate my hair,have ten million bills, and general worry...maybe things will be ok for a little bit....

Tomorrow Im buying myself some flowers....

Alexandra

Dude Where's My Publicist??!(LoL)

2008-09-04T21:23:00.000-07:00

As fashion week starts rolling around,my wonderful amazing publicist is understandably busy working late nights at the office(on our projects) instead of hitting the red carpet circuit with me! So instead I took my mom who was in town to the Natural History Museum to see the Eco Chic Fashion show staring celebrity models and eco friendly clothing by top designers..

My mom, who doubles as my manager was a super trooper and handled the role of publicist for the evening swimmingly, I shined on the red carpet and had a blast at the event...

As always,we meet cool new people and tonight we met and interesting couple who was interested in hooking me up on a blind date with one(or many lol) of their successful work buddies...The guy asked me "are you into beer pong"(half jokingly) and I stared at him in my Eroto Kritos(Thank you Think PR) dress and said NO way...No offense just not my scene...haha"Then you wont be meeting Zach"he said...Haha ....They had a long list of friends that they were ready to set me up with which made me question,...A. Was I that desperate looking(lol) or B. Were they looking for someone cool to double date with aka couple's nights...Haha

Either way AWESOME people, thats what I love about NYC...meeting amazing cool people and never really knowing when they will come into your life :)

Im at home now after a very long day watching my dose of Sex and The City...I can hear the party downstairs of people on the street and I recognize the voices...strange...Not only that..but I recognize items,places and spots that remind of people come and gone, in and out of my life...

Its scary when you see something as simple as a bike perched somewhere on the side of a building and you get shivers because you know who's bike it is...and what that person once was in your life...

At the end of the day its okay because there is a reason why they are or aren't in your life now..

And honestly the bad or toxic people should I say will only create chaos(more stories on that later)...

Tomorrow is a long day of meetings,hair and makeup and events events events...Where Im happy to say my publicist WILL be present...the next morning I take the bus out to PA for my brother wedding(from hell)...More on THAT even later...

Nightie Night

Alexandra

New York+Love=Crazy Idea??

2008-09-02T21:18:00.000-07:00

As I lay in bed Im looking over into the next apartment across the street and the irritatingly sweet couple that lives there...they see me,I see them..and I wonder How does that work? I wonder how do they have time to to sit and eat breakfast with each other yet alone spend time together,other than living together that is...With me Id probably wake up,see my dude and think..."Leave so I can be alone"( I like my "me time" that small window of time I have for myself in the morning where I can be myself until I have to be the other"perfect" me all day as I work hard on becoming the next superstar)...as I drink my morning coffee he'd probably think "Can you please put that thing down for a second" as I scroll through my long list of to-do's..answer emails, and view my notes on my blackberry from my publicist, who is up every morning miraculously much earlier than me... I simply dont understand the dynamic of love,relationships,work,and new york...With me the equation goes Work+New York=LOVE

Yes I am an interesting(wierd maybe) person to many men who have come and gone(not many many)but you know what I mean...New York is the city of dating afterall.

My brother is getting married this coming weekend...and I cant help but be in awe of his wonderful relationship, he has found someone who he likes to be around, who he can stand being around,and someone who understands him when he doesn't....thats wonderful....They do not live in New York....

Last night I bumped into a long lost friend(I say that because he now lives in jersey, and I never see him) I remember a time when he told me to take my comment down from his myspace page because his girlfriend didn't approve...I didn't(I have so many other important things)they moved+to jersey+more time for each other=they are in love going strong....

I wonder If New york is a place you come to work and then when your good you go somewhere else to settle down..I don't know the answer to that one....

What I do know is that the couple across the way has gone to sleep..and I am still up working...I spot the single business gal in the apartment under them with her lights and laptop still on...I find we have something in common...single and fabulous perhaps? Like I said happiness would not come in the form of another person in my life...maybe depends on the person....:) Clive Davis perhaps offering me a recording contract...

Lets see...... who would like to date the crazy-busy,all important caught up in her own world,up an coming star,with a blackberry glued to her hand,song writing in the middle of the night,cranky when she's hungry,sometimes party gal,always social,sometimes nocturnal,spontaneous,self indulged songstress as their next girlfriend....Let the bidding begin...haha

Im actually completely sane(and sweet)...Just very hardcore when it comes to my career=my first love...

Second place still available :)

I feel myself finally getting tired from the unisom I took 3 hours ago....and even the empire state building has shut off its lights for the night....I think I'll get some rest..

My blackberry beeps...I receive new tracks from producers...I think Im in Love...

Alexandra

Cope,Breathe then get back to work...

2008-08-26T11:54:00.000-07:00

Adjustable,understandable...Anything can really work for you if you make it work and your willing work with the situation given... A friend of mine is really really down and nothing I say or do can get him out of his hole...its not because im not a good friend its because HE has to decide to come out of his situation...we've all been there I believe...I go through it once a year...when your just like where am I going..?and I cant get excited about going THERE because I dont have the resources to get there or I dont know how to get there...It sucks and its about finding yourself...and only you can do it..which is the craziest thing...But its funny once I(with me at least) acknowledge that this is my situation what can I do about it TODAY to change it is when things start to happen... Little changes can make HUGE things come along.

So about once a year I become Britney Spears and eat and party and generally do nothing but have fun...it lasts about a week and at that point I snap out of it because I CRAVE my work..however its my belief letting go for just a moment enables you to push full steam ahead in whatever your trying to accomplish even harder and even longer than burning out hard later...

Anyway everyone copes with different situations in their own way...When relationships ended when I was younger and I felt like I couldn't breathe and just numb I used to runaway(literally) except my running away was hitting the airport and picking a destination(a parent works for an airline) so I had tickets like they were metro cards..

So Id go chill out and get a NEW perspective on life and then after a few days I was good...Because I knew how to appreciate life in a whole other way instead of worrying about what HE thought about me....

A new friend of mine sat down with me today who is so chill and he said "if its gonna be it'll happen and if not thats cool we'll just do something else"(in regards to my career)and at first Im thinking WHAT? and then I thought..... Huh much less stress to think about things that way... WOW exactly...Lets not get stressed lets try this and then move on and try something else... So thank you new friend for that :)

Anyway Im trying to get less stressed about life and things in general because really...isnt life too short...

In a perfect world this is how Id feel everyday...so even though tomorrow I'll wake up worrying about CD orders in China,Fashion Week outfits and whatever else rehearsals,meetings etc...Maybe tonight I'll just breathe and be happy for what I have...

Feel good

Alexandra

Trying to do the expected...

2008-08-25T14:12:00.001-07:00

The wind is blowing and I feel a storm coming in,which means rain and frustration..Summer feels like to its coming to an end and with that the newness of September approaches and my frustrations grow...I am feeling no creativity and am wondering If my freaky home recording of my new track will be what is expected of me...Creativity cannot be forced and I am willing to GO THERE with this new track but what are my limits? Honest writing is the best..how honest is the question...half of me wants to say everything and then the new artist in me says put the brakes on...its too much information....?Hmmm so how to feel a middle ground?and how to produce the next HIT....Can the writer of "Umbrella" pllsss call me :) haha

I want to make my followers proud as well as the people that represent me... Wow pressure! Anyway stay tuned Ill come out with it...

Its starting to rain...

Alexandra

I wish I had...

2008-08-23T14:46:00.000-07:00

I wish I had a computer that worked faster,Im sitting here editing my newest video(yes I am doing it folks) and Im spending hours just waiting for things to load and work properly...It is sooo annoying,but I wont give up...If I had the spare change Id hire someone to do it for me etc...and get a better computer,the list goes on and on...

Now usually it is not uncommon for people to wish they had bigger and better things,or more money or whatever it may be...I think the most important thing is not to lose sight of happiness..In the past few days I've encountered different peoples lives and seen and heard what faces them everyday and it has made me question people and what their purpose seems to be...

A few days ago I met a friend of a friends who was beautiful, with a bright future ahead of her but miserable...it didnt matter what I seemed to say,she could quickly snap back with a miserable comment...she had no spirit outside of her beautiful exterior,she had deemed herself to a life of wealth that would include an NYC penthouse and shopping trips to Bloomies...with the help of her well paying job(that she hated) and had no interest to do...When I asked her "why dont you do what you actually like to do in life" she said "Nothing I want to do makes enough money,I mean how would I afford to live in NYC otherwise?"

Materialism had taken over,and Im not saying that I don't like living in NYC or going shopping but I think Id sooner die than do something I loathed....

Im not fearful of hard work,but I also believe in working smart...I don't believe in wasting 8 hours of my day working at a coffeeshop or mcdonalds or bank or shop when I could be taking steps to fulfill my dreams...I have been a big believer in "You create your own future" and that yes sometimes you may have to struggle but If you try really hard and keep your energy positive..."You will succeed" Some people are reading this thinking... yeah but what about my bills...Well you'll end up trying harder to come up with cash, pursuing your dream,and paying that bill...instead of having that boring safety net to fall back on called your lousy job...

The other day a blue haired lady stopped in front of me on the street and said "do you think people are selfish these days" I answered "Definetly" and she told me how she had been job hunting for 4 months with no luck and no was losing faith in people and her life...I told her" to try harder and not lose her faith" The minute you lose "the light" or whatever you'd like to call it...you lose it all and good things will not come to you....I use my time wisely and plan every move with precision to get where I need to be...

Anyway this method has always worked for me...But I also have HUGE bucket loads of faith in my future,which is something alot of people lack...so like the lady on the street...Im sure she could go to a punk rock store that would appreciate her blue hair and sense of style,and the miserable girl could surely learn to suck it up,find a cozy apartment in brooklyn,shop at Forever 21 and still be happy,then living a sad miserable life....?

Finally a new friend and I sat down for drinks and I told him all about my philosophy towards life etc...and he said "some people just don't know how to do that,it doesn't mean that they don't want to...they just don't know where to start,what to do where to go..."

Is it wishful thinking or am I just an exception to the rule??

Anyway whatever it is you'd like to become...do it...DONT wait for it...pursue it with passion and conviction,wake up with a smile everyday because at least your being honest,real and YOU...and thats something no one can buy=Happiness

xoxo

Alexandra

INSOMNIA and Sandwiches...

2008-08-18T05:27:00.000-07:00

I hate not being able to sleep,its one of the things that plagues me as work builds up and things must get done...I work pretty well under pressure,however wish that when it was time to sleep...it'd be time to sleep...(zzzzzz) I have been up for the past 5 hours thinking,editing my new promo video and recovering from last night...I ate a sandwich and now my tummy is saying "Why did you do that?" For those who don't know,I recently did the master cleanse and afterwards stuck to eating fruit only...So last night in celebration of my dear old friends birthday I had some wine and decided after that it would be the right time to have a big ol' deli sandwich..which was almost the size of my head...not even kidding..the flirty indian deli dude even threw in a free side of potato salad(LOL)had to be there....So now Im up feeling sickish and tired, and am trying to work..

Im one of those people who would and could work round the clock...when I have to I just do it and I dont feel the pain,aching or sleepiness...but right now I am soo looking forward to sleeping but I cant get my mind to relax...hmmm lets see the new album is coming,the photo shoot is coming...I think the sandwich was my way of rebelling the tough non food week that has approached me in preparation for my photo shoot..events in general every single night..and a crazy schedule overhaul for September!

Tonight me and Martha(my publicist) are going to a Diesel event and a Steve Madden event, I LOOOVE Steve Madden shoes and have been a fan since I was like 15, I bought the highest platforms ever when shopping at the Manhattan Mall,and could barely walk in them,but boy did I learn fast and soon after they were my favorite shoes...Anyway LOVE the brand...Tonight should be a fun night ....

I never want to see a sandwich again..

Raincheck?

2008-08-15T15:12:00.000-07:00

Its been raining everyday :( for 2 days only but still...rain bums people out....Last nights party was amazing...very yummy snacks and drinks! I ended up meeting a lovely group of people in the music biz who knew some of my other previous contacts,No matter how big this world is the entertainment biz is small and I find it funny how I keep running into the same people OR people that they know! Anyway.. we all hoped in a cab after the Entertainment Weekly Party and went to a club called Runway, where Im actually supposed to be performing in the next couple weeks! It should be interesting because there isn't really a stage,there is literally a runway...so maybe I'll do something different and just have the dancers pose for my show :) We all had such a blast and runway's Dj even played 2 of my tracks which was awesome(yes we were dancing on tables) Reminds me of the first time I was at Runway and danced on tables when Paris was there :) also soo fun, sweet girl! My stylist Keino is about to come over and dress me for an event were hitting up tonight,its a launch for a new toy for adults...not the XXX kind LOL...some kind of robot thingy,,,,hmmm should be fun!

Ill fill you all in on whats happening soon!

xoxo

Alexandra

Deadlines

2008-08-13T19:21:00.000-07:00

Everyone knows about deadlines...its work,its laundry,its that one stupid coffee cup sitting in your sink that you somehow cannot manage to rinse out...hmmm(must get paper cups)...But I'd feel too bad because their bad for the environment....My Blackberry pings yet again and Im reminded of deadlines...

Im supposed to come up with a name for my new album and am out of ideas... I mean I have no idea at all who I am right now...im not going through anything profound enough to name my album something cool like "dreams in the dark" or something meaningful and deep like that..instead Im stuck with a bunch of clubby songs that I fear will be generic. I want to stand out and be different...is it enough that Im half Finnish(that's different isnt it?) Hmm must think of an angle... I also have to put together my schedule until about December with the help of my publicist of course...It feels insane to have to think that far ahead when I don't even know what I'll wear tomorrow or how I'll feel..

In all honesty Im not even complaining...Im thinking or should I say typing aloud...and trying to be as real as possible...thats what blogging is for I suppose :)

Tomorrow Martha(publicist) and I are going to the Entertainment Weekly party so tonight Im being a good girl and staying in so I wont be tired for my early call time tomorrow morning at 7am....Im tired just thinking about that...

Anyway time for tea,some Seinfeld re-runs in my super comfy pj's...YES I know not very glamorous but we'll have plenty of time to be dolled up on the red carpet tomorrow evening....

PING- Im going to Touch tonight If you want to go.......

My friend is trying to get me out...I remind myself that tomorrow will suck If Im tired so ...Tea and Pjs it is.....

Until Later.....

Goodnight sleep tight

Alexandra